You guys aren't going to beleive this 3

[Zues126]

Thornton, you can do this. It's actually surprisingly easy because dealing with feelings turns out to be a heck of a lot easier than running from them. It's almost like a six year old that decides they don't want to clean their room so instead they plan on building a robot that will clean their room for them. Years later they are still struggling with the power relay and then they remember the original purpose of everything was to save work, and it turns out cleaning the room was only an hour job, not a decade job. While likewise running from emotions seemed like a good idea to avoid pain, but after it causes years of devastation you look back and it turns out that just sitting with some uncomfortable feelings now and then isn't nearly as bad as sabataging your whole life.

PROMISE ME you'll watch the movie "Inside Out". It is the kids movie that came out about 2 years ago, so it's animated and all of that. But I'm telling you it is the absolute answer to your question.

Before this movie came out my IC worked with me to understand that all of my feelings were like employees in a company, I was the manager, and we were having a big meeting to talk about what we did next. So Anger was an employee, Fear was an employee, etc. Each had a specific job to do. It wouldn't do any good to shut one employee up and not hear what they had to say, because each had a good point to make. But I couldn't let one of my employees take over the entire meeting and singlehandedly dictate the future of the company. As the manager I couldn't simply defer all authority to them. It was MY job to lead.

For example, Anger would tell me that I had been hurt and ask that I evaluate the situation to find out what had caused me pain, and how I could stop that. Some of it's suggestions might make sense, like setting firmer boundaries around a hostile individual. But then when it would go on to suggest things like revenge and payback, whoaaa!, I'd take the reigns, thank Anger for it's suggestion, and then hear what my other emotions had to say, consider what my beliefs are, and try to act the way I believe a man should act.

I guess the rhythm I got into was spending some time trying to understand how I felt. I even started a habit of voice memoing at different times, stating how I felt, and what I think was making me feel that way. It was tough at first. At first I thought I felt 'nothing'. I was numb, detached. After a while I realized I felt 'bad', but it was very vague. Then I started to understand that I felt 'sad', and the reason I felt sad was that I had thought of a new specific way that our divorce would be a loss for me or my children. Once I recognized the emotion I was feeling and why I was feeling it, I could sit with it for a moment. I could honor that feeling, and hear what it had to say. Then ultimately I'd consider what the right response was to the situation. Most of the time it was just letting it be heard. Sometimes it involved me course correcting.

A great thing happened. Those negative feelings were no longer brewing inside of me. They just came out and floated away. And a new feeling started to grow. The feeling of confidence. I became confident in myself, in my ability to be there for myself, to lead forward in a way that made me proud. Looking back I am extremely proud of how I've navigated the last three years, and the more healthy decisions I make the more confident I become. One situation at a time, one feeling at a time, one response at a time, I have used my beliefs to guide me through and done what each situation demanded of me, and I feel stronger than I have ever felt. And the best part is that not only do the decisions you make in the moment make you feel a little better today because you know you handled it like a champion, as time passes those choices reshape your reality. My relationship with my kids is so strong and deep and rewarding. My inner peace when I'm just sitting with myself in the car. I built an emotional home for myself one brick at a time and not only was it satisfying to take control of my emotional life with each brick, but now I have a nice place to live.

Cliff notes- understand your feelings, honor them, then choose the best response based on being the man you want to be, what you want to see when you look back two years from now. Trust me on this. And please see "Inside Out" and let me know what you think.

Hang in T.