Based of the few R talks since the bomb.... she has conceded that she does have deep rooted issues that she wants resolved. Issues from having a very difficult upbringing with a lunatic mother and a unavailable father. A huge problem was that she was raped by an 18yo neighbor when she was 14. When she told her mother her mother turned her back on her and blamed her for flirting with the neighbor and shamed her and the farther barley stood up for her. My W just disclosed that to me recently, I never knew.
She's been seeing a psychiatrist (2 sessions) and apparently she's told him everything. The psychiatrist suggested that I join in on the next session. She claims as a result of that incident described above, that she always needs to do bad things and keep/have secrets mostly because she wasn't protected by her parents. She doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. She also said that anyone (including me) who tried to protect her she would naturally push them away. So I know I have a steep climb.
I'm pretty sure both of my kids know... I had a couple of conversations with S14 and he claims that he overheard us discussing it when the news first broke. I tried to answer his questions as best as I could without lying to him. As far as my D16, I think she knows cause S14 does and they are close. I've asked D16 if she needed to talk, she said no she was fine and wanted to focus on school. The first month was tense around here, so one can assume this had an effect on them. Both W and I are being a lot calmer now out of courtesy for them.
The NC letter seems to be for me. I view the OM as a predator and an enemy to my family, W including. Although I exposed it to OMW, I still feel the need to watch both W and OM closely. W claims he was just the source of the "secret" and not much emotional attachment. I don't particularly buy it.
I read the book "Not Just Friends" recommended by my DB coach. I asked W the 10 questions that were laid out in the book and to answer them honestly. One of the questions was.. did she have any other inappropriate behavior within our M? Her answer was no. I only had a gut suspicion that it was only this one OM. He was older and fit the father that was always unavailable to her.
I can say I'm trying to GAL, I'm not perfect. I detached and go dark when we aren't around each other. as I said we work and live together and its heard to detach. Any recommendations would the very much appreciated.
