Am I Dreaming or Played a Fool?

[25yearsmlc]

Hi 25,
I'm still not there with my DB coach, hopefully soon... As far as the NC letter, I found one and used a variation of it. My W took it to her psychiatrist (her second visit) and he said that they she should be trying to undo why she has secrets and lies and it is not truly coming from her, so she shouldn't send it unless it from her words.

(Okay I will get to the NC letter later.)

I think anyone who has a long term affair but simultaneously seems to want to remain married -- HAS deep seated ISSUES...and frankly,

if I were in your shoes, (and what I wish I had known 10 years ago) I would want to know that my spouse was digging deep to do some hard, scary brave work to figure out why they'd risk hurting me, us AND ruining our family... it's not just about the marriage, in fact if she does not work on this crap, you'll be here again down the road with some other stuff. AND if you don't do your work, b/c you seem to think her coming back is "the solution" but it's not.

Piecing is often harder than reconciling. Seriously. I know what I'm saying.

so

Needless to say, it's not sent. He also advised that I should come in for a session. W claims that her heavy lifting is working on her own problems first, thats frustrates me. She has to undo herself to get back on track is her claim.

I agree that without her doing her own work, reconciliation won't last. I honestly think tis' more in your interests to make sure she addresses her baggage and shame, which you might be overlooking the dangers of.

But that is not to say the A is negotiable. The NC letter's contents probably are, but not ending the A.

I'm finding it hard to detach because we live/work together, but I am GALing as much as possible. I bought and read the DR book and found it helpful.

TY

GAL is the only way i know to help you detach. How are your kids?