You guys aren't going to beleive this 3

[Zues126]

What has to happen for you not to be listening at her doorknob pinning your entire hopes for the future on her every move?

You were a supporter when I first joined nearly 3 years ago. I wrote a post once about fear of abandonment. What I learned is that the reason I was so afraid is that I had abandoned myself. I had denied my own emotions, was tremendously self critical, and sought to find approval from others outside of myself. When I married XW I turned to her for all of my validation. Then, when she couldn't do enough to fill the hole within me, I became depressed, and started trying to control her behavior to get what I thought I needed from her.

I have learned this wasn't her job. It was mine. I can't abandon myself and then hold someone else accountable. So I learned to take care of myself. When what I felt I needed more than anything in the world was for XW to tell me I was good enough, instead I would turn to myself and acknowledge to myself that I was good enough. If I craved emotional validation, I would validate myself. Bottom line, I would meet my needs myself instead of expecting this other person who was obviously not capable of caring for me to do so. As a result I suffered less and became much less attached. And it's a good thing too, because you've read these posts long enough to know you don't want all of your eggs in one basket.

That's why GAL is important- to find other people and other ways to help meet your emotional needs. Like you I am an introvert. Frankly I don't want to meet other people. I enjoy playing chess online, reading a good book, etc. That is fine with me. Of course I have my kids half the time, my mom lives with me, and I have a best friend I talk to daily, so I'm not totally isolated. But I don't feel the need to join meet up groups. But the main point is that I am there for myself and I can enjoy my own time. I am not looking for anyone else outside of me to approve of me or validate me.

So while GAL might make sense, my top recommendation is to list everything you wish your WAW would do for you, then think of ways to do it for yourself. When you feel you need her, when you feel abandoned, tell yourself you're there for yourself now, and you won't ever abandon yourself again. Be the caretaker for yourself you wish she was. Take care of yourself.

As for her shinanigans, she's an addict that is chasing what society has promised is the greener grass she's entitled to, and I hope your plan A isn't to put all your eggs in the basket of her suddenly seeing the light and coming to your emotional rescue. If it is you have to assume responsibility for the failure of that plan, not her, because that's a choice you're making.

Hang in.