25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Ok 25, I know you and Vanilla and some others don't like labels, but this guy is screaming from the high hilltops that he is NPD. He quit his dream job to screw you over in your divorce? He wants you to be evaluated? He is telling you what you need to do and where you need to move? This is textbook stuff.

Good (gross) points. H also hired L's up in Alaska which I assume means he wants the venue up there. Which would not be financially good for me (though A is grounds for divorce there) but which is unlikely to prevail. It's stupid, actually. Expensive. At the start of this D process h asked me if he needed a L...

God, I wish I'd said something selfish and unethical like "oh, no you don't need another L. Let's just use mine..." Instead I said we should both have representation but that I would hope he'd spend OUR money on this lawyer (me) b/c I had his children. And unless he wants to make new "25's H" law, there is a formula...

I guess he does want to make new "25's H" law. I think h expected me to write up a 2 page divorce decree and split what H felt was fair, and go our separate ways painlessly...but since I filed in California, that's state's laws apply (as we lived there 16 years)

which h disliked, evidently.




This is precisely why I have not filed for D. There is no wrath like the wrath of a narcissist pissed that someone is daring to move on from them. If I'm right and he is a befuddled as you say, this relationship will not last long (mine kept an on/off for 3 years when hidden, in the light of day it lasted less than 2 months).

Own,

you can be right about his underlying mental issues, but I think he's cornered himself into marrying OW. How can he publicly declare news about OW (and imply that THIS IS THE ONE!!) (after a 35 year marriage and 3 kids) unless he marries her?

Wouldn't that make him "wrong"???

Of course I don't know what her expectations are but if they are that she's marrying a rich MD, who is now unemployed, well, like I said, I don't know her expectations

Oh I do know that h will inherit millions and she's seen the property that he'll get half of. SO maybe that's their plan.

I have no control over that.

I also think the anger h feels at me is stunning and weird and nutty and unfair and rich with irony.

This is the man who was AWOL when I was hospitalized. Just inexcusable and appalling. He obviously doesn't see it that way (or doesn't look at it at all)

but I do not expect any approach from him. Sure, the ego wants him to at least probe so I can hear that all is not well in paradise.

But other times I just pretend he's passed away (not in a punitive way) so that he's simply not a factor in my life. IT's weird and surreal, b/c of the length of the m.

H must be blaming me for every single problem in HIS life. So, he'll show me!




As a lawyer you know that his un/under employment is a croc that you can challenge it.

It is being challenged this Monday morning (prayers welcome). H now claims he "just wants to retire", and h is 60. There is case law that would help him IF his retirement were done in good faith.

But his whole reason for going there, other than its paradise, was to make a gazillion dollars and he showed me the contract he was signing to work up there. The plan was to become a partner and then sell it in a "few years" and make millions.

So, that's not a "retirement" plan. That is an income ability and an investment I equipped him to make, while moving 9 times in 17 years for his career...not mine.

But I don't know what his legal strategy is. I can only guess and it makes my head hurt.

Hence -



He is giving you lots of reasons to let go. You have the support of your kids, your intelligence, your compassion, and your drive. You will rise above this and flourish.

I agree.

I THINK once the finances are "worked out fairly" and I can actually know what my budget is, I'll totally let go, whatever that looks like.

H has been and would continue to be a lousy h for me, going forward.

If he is ill AND IF he gets help, and wants back in and is doing all the work needed for me to trust him again


Oh wow, I'm laughing & SMH as I write this^^ all out now. Um, it's Not gonna happen.

I just want this legal financial quagmire over, but with a good result. A fair result. (And if ALL of those recon conditions occurred, trust me, I'd be back on these boards with a whole new thread, and asking for some 2 x 4's).

I don't think I'll cave in either.

I mean, it's one thing to lose in court, which could happen & would be terrible for me. And which would force me onto a new path.

It's another thing to give up, which I won't do. I deserve better.

I so appreciate the feedback.