25 yearsMLC 10 years late I FILE part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks guys,

I'm really working on this.

Today my L called and said H has actually "officially" quit his job and wants his support lowered by 75%. (mind you, it's temporary).

I admit I'm surprised. And yet, not. The arguments he puts forth are things like "25 can just move to another state where she was licensed to practice law 16 years ago, and pick up there in private practice"

and even though I THINK the law is on my side, I'm both concerned (afraid, I admit)

and baffled/angered by h's approach. As if he has contempt for me. Which I do resent. He requested a vocational evaluation for me, which is annoying as heck.

But it's 3-4 hours from our kids and I would have paid for a visit to see them, and he'd have saved money just by asking me, OR asking his L...but he was told and per MY L, he didn't care.

how odd. 35 years & 3 kids

Just venting.

So questions...

when my children ask me why I cannot visit them OR why it's such a hassle

I say "it's a legal matter" right?

I don't say "b/c your father specifically wanted to punish me"?

Yeah, yeah, I know the answer to this^^^

My L said "your h is unusual in that he's overtly an a$$hole. He knew you wanted to see them...but he didn't want to pay for a 'week long VACATION'..."

who the heck was asking for that? (To be clear, if I had known, -f if he had simply texted me - I would have paid the difference and saved him and me money!!)


Of course many WAS's or MLCers ( or crappy spouses or whatever label we choose, b/c honestly I don't know what label fits h anymore. )

Since I filed, some would say I'm the WAS, and others would argue about MLC's, but I have no time for that anymore. I did what I had to do under the circumstances...ANYWAY---

Why would H assume something I never asked for ( a week long vacation?? It's just a crazy thing to say & I'd bet he tells people that...)

and then deny it?? Seems he acts as if I've asked for or expected much more than was real, which still, even now, makes me nutty?

Because it's typical for MY h to assume that a "#6 request" (on the scale of 1 - 10) would actually mean or imply, a #10, so his reaction is a #10 reaction

even though all I suggested was a moderate "#6." Sounds wacky but I don't know how else to explain it simply. If I asked for "a little over $155 for a class, he would say it was 'close to $200' and he'd mean it... As if he heard what he feared, not what was said. This was a huge problem for us, or at least the underlying problem causing it, was.

Anyone know what I mean?

You say something carefully. You mean what you say and you say what you mean. You are not secretly implying more, and you do not actually or necessarily want more

but the reaction you get is as if you were in fact demanding much more than you were


and then you feel as if you might have missed something in your original request.

Like maybe you did not word it right or maybe you said it with a lousy tone, or maybe you even did mean something that you are not even aware of (or only a part of you was)

and now you are responding to THAT, the reaction of his, instead of what you actually said or meant.

Christ, I cannot believe it. It's gas lighting in court - the most expensive form.

Ugh

And so when our son asks, which he often does, I say nothing, right?

I can say "it's part of the legal quagmire and that's all you need to know"...or what?

I hate enabling h to do more crap and pretend not to, but I hate inflicting more pain on our children more. Okay there is my answer.

Sorry for the rambling and journaling out loud. I swear it helps.

Again, UGH!!