25yearsMLC - 10 years later I FILE D

[AJM]

"IF this happens again, walk away and don't look back."

I miss him too. And that was fantastic advice to say the least. I hope you follow it and know that you left nothing on the table. Your STBX is a fool to be sure.

I'm tired of trying to figure out the motivation or emotions or plans of someone else.

YES!

I just hate that sick "WTF was I thinking?" feeling. I did not have that before.

My thought? I would venture that seems normal for everyone on this board, although it happens sooner in the cycle. You had a "long in-between" by comparison. Grief is what it is, and I suspect there will be more. I think it's ok though. It's part of the cycle.

(But when I remind myself that I should treat MY Choices as if h is truly gone, and not factor him into the choices I make, I must say things do become clearer. So that helps me).

Nothing to add to this other than to call it out. In case it gets lost or forgotten.

I think the fault that most LBS make are that they continue to be Co-dependent, conflict avoiding, enablers. - Cadet

I disagree, Cadet. I think the issue is more the honesty we have with ourselves. I think 25 hit it on the head

But the other reason I did not see things more clearly, is b/c I wanted to believe the things that validated my choice to stay.

We tend to see what we look for, more often than not. And you know what? That makes us human and it makes us successful more often than not in my experience. Is it Pollyanna-ish? Maybe to some. But it's a more positive way to see life if you ask me. To do otherwise, is a bitter and dark way to live, although it would prevent us from getting hurt.

25, my sadness knows no bounds here. You have worked long and hard and I really had hoped for a different outcome. I'm very sorry to hear about the medical issues you faced and glad you're on the mend.
And I have to ask WTF!!?!! when it comes to why you didn't just tell him to get lost once you regained your health rather than giving him the choice to walk away? I think that really goes to how hard you were working on things, but wow. Just wow. (having been in that mindset, I do understand more than I let on.)

I also hope you truly have that peace with the effort you put in. I think it's normal to question if you should have done this or said that in the after action of the relationship. I pray that you spend a very short time of your life on that kind of stuff and get to GAL'ng without looking back. I admire you and the effort you put into your marriage and beliefs. I'm not going to say you are or were perfect, but I really admire that level of comittment and wish more people displayed it.

AJM