More advice needed and appreciated. It's mainly around plain / direct talk about the situation with the W without pushing into R or M talks. I'll give y'all the short version and then add in details below for my therapy. :-)
I apologized to the W yesterday evening for not being there for her when she voiced her comments that "this is all getting real". I wasn't a jerk, but I did not validate enough and recognized this. Lead to good discussions, but ultimately she said "I just feel so selfish for doing all this." I left this statement alone even though my inner self said "you darn right you are" (not exactly those words, but this board censors everything so....)
Working with my IC today I mentioned this and he recommended that I should have voiced my feelings that I believe she is being selfish here. He suggested this in terms of me working my depression and being more assertive with feelings, thoughts?
Additional venting, background, therapy: I'm ... to a tee and avoid conflict like the plague. It's clearly got me nowhere. I held back from making any statement on her admission of selfishness due to my thinking that interjecting my comments on it would lead to or be perceived as fighting for the M or R. I see now that it's just my feelings on her statement and our sitch in general.
She talked about not being able to be in a marriage like this and I know she means our lack of intimacy. I validated these comments and agreed with her. It took everything within me to not go on some heroic speech about my contributions to our issues, my work on depression, listening, etc. I knew that this is not the time.
She's on her own path and she's isolated herself from her friends and family. I know the other shoe will drop at some point and curious what will happen then. I don't see it dropping for some time because we'll have the initial period of settling on separate time with the kids and the apartment. We've got vacation planned around Memorial Day (she's first half of week and I'm back half of week) with my In-Laws.
Before I keep rambling, my ultimate need here is just what's the boundary on venting my feelings and not getting into trying to work on R or M.
About to leave for lease signing. Hope everyone has a good day.
Last edited by Cristy; 08/07/1706:52 AM. Reason: As stated in our OnLine Community Board Rules, we do not allow recommendations of non-DivorceBusting books / websites / blogs etc
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
