She also kept saying that she was happy how she was and would never change, would say what she liked, how she liked. People can't change, and me wanting her to change meant I didn't like her. I'm paraphrasing here. I didn't actually ask her to change, it was more about how she dealt with me and me with her. So that was that.
Do you see the wayward thinking in this woman?! She is saying she does not respect you, and she doesn't value your feelings.
Quote:
Last night's argument had some perfect opportunities for validation, but I just reacted and threatened to start treating her how she was treating me, see how she liked it.
I don't want to sound as if I am putting down validation. I want you to understand that everyone needs validation. However, when you are being insulted by your WW (especially in front of D5), and your WW is telling you things like the first quote above......you need to enforce a firm boundary. She does not respect you for walking away when she is hammering you and insulting you. She is actually challenging you to stand up to her. Why do you think she treats you so terribly? B/c you have allowed it, that's why. This is how she pushes your buttons to see how far she can go and how much cr@p she can throw at you before you do something about it.
Just telling her that you won't be disrespected, will not stop her insults. She needs to see action from you.
Men with the NGS always seem to choose walking away whenever they are being bullied by the female adults closest to them. It does not solve the problem b/c the bully is always waiting to have a go at you the next chance they get.
Perhaps you have been told to walk away to prevent the argument from escalating. In some cases, that is advisable. I'm just telling you that your WW will not change from this horrible, b'tch-crazed woman, unless she learns to show you respect. Boundaries are not enforced through arguments.
Having a "time-out" may work to cool down a heated argument, but it does nothing to stop bullying. Do not try to state a boundary while in an argument. Do not argue with her about a boundary. Just show action when it is not honored.
Anyway, do what you must to protect your feelings, and to be an example to your children in how to deal with these types of situations in a relationship. I know you are trying to keep your family together. The children need to see strong leadership from their dad, and you can do it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
