Cali, Coly, SBJ, and Job - thank you! I am going through a lot right now and appreciate all the feedback and support. I don't know where I would be without this place and all of you.
Cali, you are so right about the expectation aspect of my statement. I didn't see it. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I would have expected the statement to have an impact, however small. And I know better. I know I should not no expectations and I know that there is nothing I can do to change his mind. Knowing that, there would be no other point to make that statement. So why make it.
I had a therapy session yesterday and my therapist encouraged me to talk to H about his comments about the foods I choose to feed S (i.e., H's obsession about sugar). The therapist suggested that my reluctance perhaps stemmed from fear that originates from my childhood issues. Unfortunately, I don't see it this way.
The therapist agreed that it will probably go nowhere, but it would be good practice for me AND it would make me feel better for at least trying.
I'm tired of trying.
The way I see it is this is MLC. Anything I say will be twisted around or he will use it to try to provoke an argument or worse, he will agree, but then turn around and still do the same thing which will only compound my frustration. This thought process may be counterproductive and it may involve mind reading on my part, but I really don't see any point in interacting with H anymore that is minimally necessary.
I have been able to step back and watch him. He isn't yelling, screaming, cursing, calling me dirty names, throwing things, or being physically abusive. None of that is happening. It is much more sinister than that. It's the constant passive aggressiveness, the talking through S to get to me, the veiled jibes about this or that, the contrarian viewpoints.
There have been points along this journey where I have sincerely doubted whether something was really amiss with H. Some of the things he was doing did not seem to fit MLC. I believed the cause of all this was solely me and my childhood issues. I don't know if the EMDR therapy is working or perhaps if his recent behavior has just gotten too much or what, but I don't see it that way anymore. How he has behaved this last week has been a clear indication to me he has issues too.
The sad part of this is I feel S is starting to sense something is amiss. He is becoming more clingy; he won't leave my side. This morning when I dropped him off at daycare was one of the worse mornings we have ever have. Normally, he is very happy and doesn't mind being there. Today was a different story. Ugh. Perhaps he senses something in the way H is talking? Perhaps he sense something in me as well?
I am utterly baffled at the hostility and anger he has directed my way. I just can't understand it. He is the one who cheated, who quit and wants out. He is the one who filed. Yet he is so angry at me. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Have any of you reached that point where you just don't want to talk to them anymore because you feel you know exactly where it will go?
Perhaps I am being lazy and taking the easy way out. Maybe. I also think I feel like I am tired of his shenanigans.
Maybe you can stick a fork in me because I am done?
