I feel like I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that my R is over. Man, that stings just to type out.
Last night I went to the gym and worked out. I caught one really attractive girl checking me out and that felt good for my bruised ego.
Honestly, I'm trying to view WAW from another person's perspective. I know my view of her is distorted from my rose colored glasses. I don't know why I put her up on that pedestal.
I think I've created this fantasy life in my mind about what W and I's life would look like in the future. All the thoughts, dreams, and plans we had. Growing old together. Having grand kids to love on. All of it was a fantasy I had created.
More realistically, those things ^^^ happening in the future with W are probably pretty slim. Everyone is telling me it wasn't a matter of if she would up and leave, but when.
So... Ive started looking at one bedroom apartments online. I have the money to put down on a new house but I dont think I'm in any frame of mind to be making such a big decision. I think I'll let myself mourn my loss and then decide what to do from there.
W continues to act disengaged and keeps her distance from me. I still try to wrap my brain around why this is happening again. 6 years is a lot to throw away over a few arguments. Especially when her daughter and I are so close.
So.... for GAL this week. I plan on going and buying some new clothes, new shoes, and probably some new workout gear. And as much as I don't want to, I will go see a movie by myself. Ive checked with my local friends and they all have plans with their families.
I also looked into Meetup but all the groups seem so weird to me. I dont really have any interest in playing Dungeon's and Dragon's (no offense if you like to play), or quilting, or some Star Wars battle scene re-enactment at a local park. I also dont really want to get into the party scene.
I suppose in time, I will be more open to trying some different things.
