25yearsMLC - 10 years later I FILE D

[25yearsmlc]

Try not to beat yourself up, 25.

You did everything you could to repair your marriage and you did. But H has issues that you have no control over that are manifesting in his life.

I understand this^^, and agree with it, mostly. I didn't realize how resentful h must have been at me or his life, to have justified leaving 10 years ago, (though he never faced that it was he had done). And he was very repressed the past year with lots of dark parts I may not ever know...wish we had explored it, yada yada yada

So that's stuff I WISH we had done but que sera sera.

The other piece is my own personal work, including things I became complacent about, which I can discuss more later. But in sum,

I have to get out of h's head and keep him out of mine, or I'll stall out and spiral.

That's a big immediate need of mine now.


And honestly, I dont buy that H is happy for one minute. He slapped a band-aid (OW) to try to minimize the feelings he was having. The way he is publicly trying to show everyone how great his life is, speaks volumes to me. Overcompensation at it's finest.

Well, I know My h cannot be alone for long. (In contrast, I never have lived alone, till now. I'm fine with it so far).

Yes The way he posts on fb is, at best, weird as he11.

No it's Not the behavior of a content adult, let alone someone with children, or friends who had no idea we had split, and of course, let alone a spouse to whom they are still married and who deserves better. Clearly he's furious at me, which is on one hand, mind boggling, and on the other hand, totally logical in h's world.

Time will tell what role his very stubborn pride has, since evidently several people have told him they don't get the whole Alaskan thing and to slow the A down, to no avail,

or maybe he's nuts

or maybe she's the perfect fit for the new h...



As I'm sure you know, this R is very likely to blow up.


I hear you, (& my ego likes hearing that, I admit)

and while it's statistically likely to end, I'm forced to ask, so what?

B/c I cannot imagine us apart forever, and yet I cannot imagine taking him back.



How did your therapy session go yesterday?

New therapist was today and she's a Godsend.

Talked about everything from my mom dying, to having the last child leave for college, hearing a murder & finding the victim,

to moving for h's job, again, to "Alaska 2.0," and OW,

to my illness/implications, to h's AWOL and now here we are...

it's a lot - and it was condensed into 16 months and she got me to realize

I have permission to not have this all figured out yet.

Here is what I "Know".


H did not treat me well or how I deserved, for X amount of the past, and he sure isn't now. While I regret our m ending, I do not regret filing for D, given the situation.

H is responsible for his r's with our children. I won't ever hinder those r's, but I will never explain for him, again.

Goals for now

Learn to accept that my marriage is over and that I will be fine, anyhow.

*Yes, yes, I know of course that MIGHT change, in theory.

(It'd take years of work on his end just for me to know of any change in him, let alone to piece. Besides, if it happens I'll cross that bridge then.)

I cannot get to the other side of this ordeal if I keep looking over my shoulder to see what h is doing or thinking or feeling.

H cannot be a factor in any of my choices anymore

Embrace that this^^ reality is actually freeing.

How can I best take care of myself right now?