ILYBNILWY

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mostly so MIL can spend time with D during the week. She used to come to our house quite a bit, but W made her feel unwelcome so she stopped coming

Why do you feel it is your responsibility to foster this relationship? I would think it would be MIL's job first and your W's second. To me, it smells like you are trying to be a 'fixer'.

I want MIL to KNOW that she is always welcome in my home, and in D's home.

Like here - are you going to be inviting her to things without D? What about if you are in a new relationship with another woman - are you still going to be having dinner with your ex's mom?

I want her to KNOW that she can ALWAYS see her granddaughter.

I agree. I want my ex's parents to be in my kids' lives as well. But Im not going to sacrifice the precious time I have with them to accommodate that. And Im certainly not inviting my ex's parents over for a gathering without my ex.

My heart needs to be pulled back into line from time to time, but there is general agreement between brain and heart that there is no "snapping out of it."

My goal with W is not to rebuild the marriage. It's to build a PARENTING relationship. Allowing HER to come to dinner gets her more time with D compared with her normal week where she gets about 48 hours. I really don't expect anything in return for that, I'm just trying to make sure both of us are in D's life the maximum amount possible.

If all of this is true, then why are you having the blow up you did the other night? Why are you texting her that you think shes 'good enough'? If you just want a parenting relationship, then show that with your actions. I dont see these regular dinners as something sustainable; so, to me, it sounds like it is only causing confusion for you, her, and probably your daughter.

I don't know how to disinvite MIL without causing hurt feelings and maybe suspicion, and I honestly am not sure that I want to in any case, but I'll give it thought. Talking less to W is definitely on my agenda in any case.

You just filed to divorce her daughter. If she's going to be insulted for being uninvited from your home for dinner, then so be it.

And suspicion? Of what...exactly?

I feel like once divorce is final, there's no real hope of reconciliation--from MY side. I lived through that as a child, and it was a disaster. Putting D through that feels like it would be WRONG. I can't really explain it, but I feel pretty strongly about it.

Thats your choice. And again, if thats the case, then I dont see your relationship with MIL being particularly sustainable. But to me, I dont see the harm in leaving that door of reconciliation open for now.

I had D for half this weekend (4 day weekend for her, and W let me have her Friday and Saturday!)

Glad your GAL is going well. I dont understand this bit about 'et me have her' though. What is your current custody situation? Why do you have to be 'allowed' to see your daughter by W?