Dinner with MIL isn't really about me (some of it is, I admit... They're family, I love them, I don't want that to change) but mostly so MIL can spend time with D during the week. She used to come to our house quite a bit, but W made her feel unwelcome so she stopped coming (basically ignored her while she was there, snapped at her when she was interrupted playing her game, etc). I want MIL to KNOW that she is always welcome in my home, and in D's home. MIL is also VERY sensitive about the custody situation. I want her to KNOW that she can ALWAYS see her granddaughter. Having her for dinner once a week feels like a positive step there.
It's kind of the same thing with W right now. I've accepted in my head that our M is over. My head knows that W is not what I want or need in life right now. My head also knows that W has no love, respect, or anything else for me right now--all I see when I look into her eyes is pain, anger, and disgust/contempt. My heart needs to be pulled back into line from time to time, but there is general agreement between brain and heart that there is no "snapping out of it."
My goal with W is not to rebuild the marriage. It's to build a PARENTING relationship. Allowing HER to come to dinner gets her more time with D compared with her normal week where she gets about 48 hours. I really don't expect anything in return for that, I'm just trying to make sure both of us are in D's life the maximum amount possible.
All of the above said... I see where you're coming from. I don't know how to disinvite MIL without causing hurt feelings and maybe suspicion, and I honestly am not sure that I want to in any case, but I'll give it thought. Talking less to W is definitely on my agenda in any case.
Thanks both of you for the kind words about protecting my family. I hadn't looked at it from that perspective. It helps. I still feel dishonest about HOW, but I don't feel guilty about doing it.
T, I know my story isn't over, but I feel like once divorce is final, there's no real hope of reconciliation--from MY side. I lived through that as a child, and it was a disaster. Putting D through that feels like it would be WRONG. I can't really explain it, but I feel pretty strongly about it.
Kaizen, rebuilding is going ok. GAL activities are going well. I had D for half this weekend (4 day weekend for her, and W let me have her Friday and Saturday!) We went to the trampoline park/ninja warrior course and went crazy for an hour. My fitbit was like, "yo, fat guy! Where's all this cardio coming from??"
I played some soccer with a pickup group from Meetup on Sunday. I made it 45 minutes, which is impressive for my body type. I'm going to a board gaming group on Friday, I think, and a lunch with a "singles" group (the group's not for dating, just socializing which is what I need) on Sunday.
Weight loss is at 56lbs and counting. I was worried this week because I lost a little too much weight (due to the physical activity most likely). I put some back on in the last couple of days so feel better. To hit my target weight, though, I've got 100 lbs to go. Not sure I'll make it that far, but I'm doing well enough.
Monday was a good day. Yesterday was a bad one. Today is another good one. I haven't put together so many good days since this started and I was actively trying to detach from W, before she offered some hope. Tomorrow will, I hope, be a better one.
