So Confused and Conflicted (7)

[25yearsmlc]

A spouse who is done and S who has a bf or gf isn't wayward they are simply moving on. They are done. Especially if D papers are filed.

What about a spouse who left a marriage where there was still a lot of love between the two spouses, because the spouse met someone they thought was better, but the person they met is a dead-end road -- a fantasy life, of turmoil? (Two cheaters paired up together, a relationship with a co-worker, the guy has a wife, that doesn't seem to have much income, and four kids, and is Mormon, though the WAW isn't.) Isn't this spouse a wayward even after she left and sought complete separation? She has all the characteristics of a wayward, for the most part, I think.

I know that definitions and labels seem helpful b/c we want to believe the WAS will regret and or return to us. We want to know what the barometers are to let us know...

Of course. That's natural. The downside is when it continues to deflect from our personal work, especially on things the WAS did identify as problems for them, in us.

You know your history and you know the warnings your w gave you that you - for whatever reason - did not heed.

My suggestion to you, again, is to work on the things you know are valid b/c in the event she turns your way again, you'll be more like the man she hoped for.

I don't see this as risky to you. My question is whether the only reason you resist making those changes, is b/c you only want to do them if you know your w will return?

See, that's tactical, it's not authentic change and she would feel, and so would I, that the "changes" would not last b/c you don't want to make them and you don't think you should, unless there's a payoff guaranteed.

Sadly, there are no guarantees in any of this. Ever. We just have to give love as best we can as long as we can.

it's not about the love we get back; it's about how deeply and fully we give love.