25yearsMLC - 10 years later I FILE D

[25yearsmlc]

25, funnily enough (well not so funny), I was posting on my thread the exact same thing about not being sure if the M/R was really ever happy and if I made it all up in my head.

I feel like I'm starting to believe him in that he never really loved me.

though I know h & I were happy (I can safely say, I THINK, for the first 20-25 yrs), I can only deal with so much marital revisions. I hear that h told others "this was coming for a long time", (news to me, and I have examples of behavior and comments that were the opposite, but here in DB land, I don't need to prove my case)...

but of course it hurts and it undermines your self trust. You wonder if you are nearly as clued in as you thought. In my case, there were moments of silence or vagueness in h's answers that should have alerted me to dig deeper.

His avoidance of a topic and his silence, never indicated something good. (Nope, he's not planning a surprise party for our anniversary!! He's hiding another secret plan about money or a plan to return to the tundra...his freaking obsession is irrational, and you're married to a truly selfish, strange man with tremendous capacity for long term deceit...) Nope, didn't want to know that.

Coly, I heard a TED talk or NPR from a Vietnamese refugee man discussing how his family fled in 1975 AND how his culture has no subjunctive terms, no "would have/should/could have", and as a result it seems they ruminate less.

This was amazing to me. He gives talks about the implications of this simple grammatical reality. I highly recommend it.

Maybe you can stop yourself from going into the "Dark subjunctive" too much, b/c really what is the point? "What should you have known, what could you have done and what would have happened then??"

How stupid you were to believe? That your D16 was born into a fraud?



I keep thinking back to situations and realising that maybe I was wanting to see what I wanted and covering things up that didn't suit me at the time.

it's fair to examine this^^^ if your goal is to learn from it. Don't let it undermine the parts that gave you joy.

I struggle with this, b/c I want to be able to see photos --like of the kids, e.g. skiing even if h is in the picture (not doing this today, mind you, but someday)

and I don't want to let h's present behavior steal those joys from me too.

There's enough loss already


I think maybe we did an excellent job of it though as everyone thought we were the happiest and best suited couple. It just feels like all smoke and mirrors now....

maybe your h should go to Hollywood if he's that good of an actor...

or maybe his feelings changed and he's justifying crap behavior by extensive marital revision