I know what you're getting at (at least I think I do)... that the purpose of the exercise here isn't to really get our spouses back, because we can't control that, but to just be the best selves we can be, and create the possibility for reconciliation to happen by doing so.
Not exactly. My point is that there isnt really any 'giving up'. Sure, you can get divorced, but what does that really mean? How is that any different than changing your facebook status to 'single'? In the meantime, once you click that box, do your feelings change? ae you instantly 'healed' and ready to move on with your life? My point is that divorce isnt the end of your relationship with your W. Especially if you have a kid.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
I went in there, and talked about the possibility of some kind of interim agreement. I explained what I was afraid of, why, etc. and the lawyer educated me on the facts of life in our county. Which judges and which courts did what and how, and that I was absolutely screwed if my wife should happen to file for divorce first, because given the choice of venue, any attorney would file in a certain place and it would be all but guaranteed that I would only see D every other weekend... if I were lucky.
So I retained her, and she filed for divorce on my behalf today.
I feel pretty worthless. In the end, I'm pulling the trigger on the end of our family.
I can understand how you must be feeling. But think of this as a business transaction where you protect what is most important in your life. This is about YOU and not about your relationship with your W. You didnt fail your family by filing - you PROTECTED it.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
I invited my MIL to dinner tomorrow night.
Honestly, now isnt the time for this. Blood is thicker than water. And trying to force a relationship with your inlaws is probably not a great idea if your goal is to reconcile someday.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
As I was leaving, W sent me a text asking me not to do that in front of her next time, because it made her feel like **** and that she was not good enough. For some reason, I got angry, walked back into the house, and told her that SHE had control of her life, and if she wanted good memories, she should make them. I was a total ass to her, and I didn't even mean to be.
I sent a text later apologizing for my poor behavior. Her response was that she was used to it. I told her she was always good enough, and that while I thought she'd refuse, she was welcoem to come to dinner as well. She politely declined, saying she didn't want to intrude. I repeated the offer, saying she wouldn't be intruding, and that we're in each other's life for the next 12 years minimum one way or another, and we had to figure something out. I offered to start now.
It reads like you are still waiting for her to 'snap out of it'. Id advise you strongly to leave her alone. Stop inviting her over. Stop inviting MIL over. Stop doing things together as a 'family'. Really focus on you and on your relationship with your daughter. Let your W alone to live her life. When you see her, make sure that the interaction is short and positive.
