So Confused and Conflicted (7)

[25yearsmlc]

saying that DB usually fails overlooks that most m's enter this site when in crisis.

Retrovaille is a workshop with about an 80% rate of attendants still being married, 3 years later. We did it and it helped us turn a corner.

Without DBing I'm absolutely sure I would have filed for D and my m would have ended 11 years ago. Is that really saying DB failed?

Try not to look for reasons to give up.

Also, I studied several approaches to cope with my h's behavior and our marriage back in 2006/07. Some were tough love, some were a bit doormattish for me, and some were counter intuitive but healthy, like DB. I also had a great DB coach.

I can attest that I was a better wife and mother, b/c of DB practices. It kept my d's in the same home and school district and for a lot of the past decade, we were good. Period.

Don't look for certainty or guarantees in human relationships. They simply don't exist.

Here is an exercise to try. Please give it a chance.

Just for a few minutes, try this...

imagine that your w had passed away. Naturally you reel from the loss and you grieve...Now imagine that some years have passed.

Imagine that you had processed the grief, & healed, & that you had finally moved forward.

Imagine that you are moving on without her, but that you are happy & at peace.

What would be going on in your life?

Would you move or travel? Where?

Would you take up a new hobby? Like what? Would you switch jobs? Explore different careers?

Would you take classes, volunteer somewhere, become more physically active? Would you date? Maybe remarry & have a family?

Really try to flesh out (write out details) the picture of what your life would be like without her, but with you happy.



And now, which of those activities ^^^ can you begin or achieve or attempt, now?