You guys aren't going to believe this pt 2

[Sotto]

Hi Thornton, I'm pleased to read that your posts seem to be a little more upbeat and you are coping better with the situation.

A couple of things to think about perhaps. I would agree from all that you post that she may have some issues. Whether there is some borderline personality disorder there or not - who knows? However, it is important to take a balanced view of the situation. In any relationship breakdown, there are things to own. She may or may not choose to pick up, examine and work on hers - that's up to her. It's up to each of us whether we chose to pick up, examine and work on the things we own too.

I was recently chatting to someone who has been through a marital break up. It was a difficult break up as so many are and he made it to the other side intact. He now has the view that - I'm a great guy - she was defective - and I now need to find a great gal - and all shall be well. I don't think things are so straightforward and it takes two, you know? In fact, from all this guy said, he was pretty submissive in the marital relationship and he came to see his exW as controlling and borderline abusive. But of course his passivity was a factor in that dynamic too. All in all, he may have missed out on learning some things that could benefit a future relationship.

It's nice that you and her daughter have a good relationship, and I hope that will endure whatever the outcome. In my situation, I do keep in touch with my stepson. I was involved in his life from when he was four until he was 15, and both he and his Mum call me his 'other' Mum - which is kind. I'm lucky that we get to stay in touch. Is your current level of interaction with her daughter about at the same level as usual? I think it is best to try and maintain your usual level of interaction with her - ie: not increase that or withdraw either. Sometimes in these situations, people increase their effort with kids in order to try and influence the outcome they seek. I'm not suggesting this is happening, only that it is something to bear in mind and be aware of.

I'm also hoping you may manage a little GAL sometime soon too. I'm not suggesting bar, nightclub or social GAL if that doesn't work for you. But something that does get you out and about doing something you enjoy might be a good plan perhaps?