Thanks for the feedback and your perspective. I do agree with some, but not all.
Everything I have chosen to do thus far regarding D9 has been run my therapist. I am brutally honest with her. She did not see any harm. I don't think sleeping over one night a week is a big deal at all. I am the adult and she is the child and I am not afraid of her seeing me having my boyfriend sleep over and think she can do the same. If I had a new guy every night, then I would be setting a bad example. Should I have gotten her involved so early? No. But I do have a serious problem cultivating a relationship being as if I have her most of my time. I do know that if this doesn't work out, I am truly done until she is out of the house. The loss will hurt yes. For both of us. I discussed this with my therapist who said she will see real life that love does hurt and as long as it doesn't keep happening, she will not be damaged, otherwise it's a lesson in loving and letting go.
My difference in this R..... I let him come to me. I don't chase. I don't force anything. We have been fortunate to have everything come naturally and in it's own time. I tried to make what doesn't work with others, I am guilty of that. But I am not doing it here. We really do mesh well. We have gotten past our first disagreement. He called me before bed last night. he was in the FH and had 3 separate calls when I was on the phone, but always called me back.
How fast are we taking? I don't know what the hard and fast rule is. We see eachother a few days a week. Have actual dates on the weekend if I don't have D9. he really only sleeps over when I am without her. Actually I think he stays every other weekend for one night when she is around. Sometimes he comes by for dinner. Others he will just come buy to hang out for an hour or two after D9 goes to bed. We talk or watch some TV, then he goes home.
I am not having him move in with me. I hope in the future that does happen if everything works out.
Does he not want to introduce me to parents because I am an older single mom? I don't think so. His last girlfriend was an even older single mom than me. I asked early on about how his parents felt about that. He said they didn't have a problem. Who knows. He could just not be ready. I got my dad off my back today because he just wants to meet him so badly. I told him the truth that he isn't quite ready for me to meet his and I am not going to have you meet him until he is ready for me to meet his. he panicked (apparently his happiness is hinging on my R with FF, that's another story, lol).
I appreciate his honestly and open communication. I really do. I thanked him for it rather than punished him. We do communicate well. I plan to continue to.
I hope this works out, but if it doesn't it doesn't. I am not going to force it. For once it needs to be mutual.
Ohhhh, as for ex NG- If he wasn't so incapable of commitment and not in a MLC, I could not say he wouldn't have been the one. he didn't treat me the way I needed to be for a long lasting R. And I couldn't force that. But he did actually mean very much to me.
For now, I'm just going with the flow.I still spend time with friends (although me and my BFF aren't talking) and I make plans independently of him. So, we are not all enmeshed in eachother. We have our lives apart and together.
