So Confused and Conflicted (7)

[WshIKnw]

That being said, it is nearly impossible to identify which relationships on these forums fall under that category. I've seen some of the best DB'ers unable to save their M/R, but leave this place happier/confident than when they arrived. I have also seen some not so good DB'ers save their their M/R. There are other factors that come into play that are unknown to us because we only hear one side of the sitch.

I haven't seen a very strong correlation between DB and saved marriages. Just because I haven't seen it, though, that doesn't mean it isn't there. The vast majority of the people on these forums didn't save their marriages, but maybe the ones that did save their marriages aren't being fully represented in the math, because maybe most people that reconcile, leave these forums and don't come back, unless they get in trouble again. That makes me take the DB advice with a grain of salt. I think it's mostly good advice, especially for saving yourself, but I am very careful about trusting it with making the right decision for my marriage. Even the DB Coach, Chuck, suggested I talk to my wife, when everyone here was saying to have no contact. My wife already believed I didn't care for her, at BD. So, no contact, entirely, just seems like a reinforcement of that belief, but I don't know. I initially won her heart by playing a little hard to get, because I just figured she would be another heart-breaker, but I did get ten years out of her before she broke my heart. So, it was well worth it. Better to have loved and lost.

No matter which category a relationship falls under, it ultimately boils down to self-improvement and gaining the skills to improve all relationships. I also realize that people only change when they want/choose to change. I like to encourage change as much as possible.

Self-improvement is always great, for keeping your marriage and just improving your life, if it doesn't save your marriage. I definitely agree with that part of DB.

I think the beauty of these forums is that we are all complete strangers trying to bring a little light into a dark world at a difficult time.

That is true.