Sellout - dont beat yourself up. I do the same thing and really struggle with the shame of things. Rest assured, your W wasn't perfect either. She has faults just like the rest of us.
One thing I have noticed as I've been through this a few times... when the WAS leaves, the LBS places them on a pedestal. It's like our minds only remember the good times and all the good memories. Coincidentally, the WAS only remembers the bad times and bad memories (they call this re-writing history).
Your W and my W were not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Did we make mistakes? Absolutely. Did they make mistakes? Yep. The difference is that we are willing to work on things. The WAS isn't there, yet.
Let time work in your favor. Her affair will more than likely blow up. Honestly, she's in no position mentally to be able to start a new relationship anyways. As time passes, and as long as you are detaching and giving her lots of space, she might start thinking about some of those good times you had with her.
Don't beat yourself up. And that's a reminder for me as much as it is for you.
