I came back from a short trip with my son who is getting older and easier to travel with. (Not easy) This little break was much needed. I felt more independent to be able to travel alone, long distant with him. I always wanted to have a partnership and someone to share things with and never had that with ex. And I found it really rewarding just doing it with son.
I spent time with my brother and his wife and it was so nice to see a really healthy relationship. The two of them are awesome people to begin with, but they both like to do things together. They both like to learn and have fun and take on challenges with each other. They both support each other with their own individual challenges as well. And they have experienced the worst of the worst hardships together so I know it can be done.
I remember trying so hard to get ex to do things with me. He just didn't like to. He really didn't want to spend time with me. I am starting to think There was very little he actually liked to do. His only interests were computers. There was really nothing he wanted to do except go out to eat, and I don't think it mattered with whom.
It's funny. But I don't have lots of good memories with spouse to really miss. I was basically just always trying to get him to want to be a couple.
I look back on his parents relationship and I can see how he was mirroring them. I remember back in the day thinking how I would never want a relationship or life like my MIL had, and that's what was happening.
So I am at peace with the ending of this relationship. In all actuality like my ex has said "nothing has changed for me".
Our divorce is getting very close. I am having a hard time accepting how poorly I will do financially. Lawyers have told me from beginning, that I was not in a great posiition. It really bothers me. And I don't know how to get past the unfairness of it. I know others have it worse though but I have this constant fear that I am being duped. Either husband just messed up financially or is hiding money. And the actual evidence seems to point to hidden debt. But I'm always paranoid.
