WAS or what 9

[roist]

I wasn't going to post here but then I realised I have just passed the two year anniversary of joining this site. I am not sure that is celebrated as joining here was because of a crisis in my life.

During the last two years I have had some tough trials to get throughand many decisions to make. I have spun, I have reeled, I have advanced. I have slid back but overall I believe I have grown.

This site and the people here (past and present) really helped me when I needed it most. Thank you all. I am okay at the moment but it is reassuring to know I have support here should I need it.

It is easier to dish out advice here and offer my opinion to others.But I try to apply my own advice to my situation too.

At a glance my situation is quite similar to when I first came here. That zaps motivation if I am honest. That plus seeing her parents live a resentful separate bedroom M. That is not for me. I often feel like telling my W that I will not finish like them and that even our situation will not be enough for me eventually. At this stage it has been almost 15 months since we had a R talk and that one was after 12 months without one.

I can see my W is unhappy. I am willing to set her free if she needs to leave to be happy. I have the impression she feels she has no choice so she feels stuck. Tbh sometimes I want to set her free to have a happier life myself.

Her leaving no longer fills my with fear nor dread. I have loads of ideas about who I would be if that happened and what I would do. I can see that with excitement and enthusiasm.

I can also see a happy future of us staying together. Frankly that is probably a harder path but for the moment I am still committed to it. Sometimes I picture this future too well and believe it is now. Reality does not take long to break that image. I know I do not have it YET. Maybe I never will, but then again maybe I will. And in the meantime it is much more agreeable to think positively.

That being said my W is struggling and is not happy. This week on fb she liked a page that talked about people being unhappy but feeling obliged to conform and how it is better to not live such an existence even if people won't understand your choice. I totally agree that to live unhappy is not healthy. I think I share many many similar thoughts as my W about the negative side of our existence. I don't know the context to this message but could just be her supporting one of her struggling friends. I won't dwell on it but it does tend to confirm where her thinking is at the moment.

I see a better future. I believe in the possibility of a better us. I am realistic about the gap that exists.

After rereading, I wanted to state that we are not living a resentful M and although I am not happy with our situation I am determined to remove resentment and negativity from my side of the equation.Being consistent with what I will and won't tolerate from her has helped her side of the equation.

At the moment I don't feel like making an effort to work on the R. But according to Michelle that is exactly when you should most. So later this week I have an opportunity to go out alone with W. I will think on this and invite her this evening.

Appears I needed to talk to ye after all!! Thanks for reading.

I got to go work. Part of my stepping back from this site was to improve focus at work. I am doing OK but am not where I want to be.

Again best wishes