With time you can "get over" a cheating spouse but things will never really be the same. We'll tell you they will be to keep hope alive for you but the reality is it isn't. It'll never be the same once one of the spouses cheats. They're forever tainted because they violated their vows. Some choose to stay anyway and live with the tainted R. I did....for the time being at least.
I hope this is just your opinion, Tex. To me, it doesn't sound as if you have gotten over it. If you see your W as being forever tainted, maybe you have not be able to fully forgive her? It bothers me that you see yourself living with a tainted R. You say it will never be the same. In what way has your MR changed and you've accepted the idea of it never being the same again? I'm pretty sure I remember reading posts where you said you and your W were doing great, happy, etc. Was this not true?
I'm not saying you are wrong to feel what you feel. I don't know if I could be the betrayed and be able to have a healthy mindset toward my H. As being the recipient of forgiveness, I can honestly say that I live every day in the grace of that forgiveness. If my H, or anyone in my family, looked through their eyes and did not see the woman I have been throughout my lifetime.......and only saw me as forever tainted.............I'm not sure how I would cope, although, I'm pretty sure it would destroy any hope of having joy again.........and after that, I don't know what I would do.
I believe when Jesus forgives, He makes me white as snow. The consequences of my sins may not be washed away, but I have the assurance (according to scripture) that He does not see me as a "tainted woman". Just as He forgave the woman at the well (who was living with a man who was not her H), He forgives me. That is my spiritual belief and faith.
I know I caused more hurt and disappointment than I could ever repair on my own. I have to live with that knowledge every day for the rest of my life. I am extremely blessed to have a family who believes in forgiveness and healing.
It hurt to see your post, Tex. Not for me, but for you and your W. She does not have the power to undo what happened, and there is nothing she can do to earn your forgiveness and remove the tainted rags you see when you think of her.
I have seen LBH's focus on nothing but getting back their WW. After the reconciliation, it may be sooner or later.........he goes though anger, resentment, (maybe a sense of self-righteousness) or feelings such as you are experiencing. Did you and your W attend therapy in healing after an affair? If not, would you consider it?
Yes, we try to offer hope for those who come here. For me, it is not false hope. Why would we stick around if we did not believe there was hope after an affair?
Sorry for the hijack, 25.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
