Thank you butterfly! I hope yours was good. I know it was tough, our bd anniversaries are close. Why do they all pick important dates?
I apologize if I dont get back to some other threads tonight, I try to read through everyone's but needed to journal tonight.
We had a good Easter, the kids had a great time and the kids played w/cousins they dont get to see often. It's amazing how they just pick up were they last left off.
Last week I had a rough night, kids started telling me things out of the blue. First they were asking me questions about an outing w/om confusing me w/him. Ughh..... But then they told me they went to a hockey game (w hates hockey) w/our friend's (who was killed in the accident) ex and told me they went to his house and played Xbox w/ their kid. This guy is a POS, il say it, because that's what I think of him. Our friend had terrible taste in men, she used to stay w/W and I and I heard a lot of her problems although she wasn't innocent. I met This guy for guy for literally 30 seconds, our friends introduced us and I saw him looking down w's top while making an inappropriate comment and yanked W away by the arm. Our friend was very embarrassed. Months later She was later crying about him to us as he got a hooker in Vegas (keeping that story short) and treated her like s***. Now W is hanging w/him (this was around Christmas) and Idk what exactly what it all was but it made me want to puke hearing that and I had to stop my mind from from running w/it. My stomach literally was in knots for a couple days. I had a good cry which hasn't happened in a long time and ended up screaming in a pillow. I'm embarrassed but omg I have to get that out. Disgusting...just gross and idk even know what it was.
The next morning I was struggling the keep it together but getting better and letting it go and just before leaning to take the kids to school I turn around to catch S kick one of the dogs right in the mouth. I snapped and yelled, then S ran over and hit me. I had to stop and regroup, I can't believe to s is all happening. I talked w/S about it but he said it was all about school. We talked shortly but had to leave.
I took away video games all weekend. I also read a lot about video game addictions and autism and I'm changing things up. We're struggling.
W came over that night to see kids before we left. She took them for ice cream that night but before she left I told her what happened. She asked why he was acting out and what was wrong. I'm wanted to shake her and ask wth do you think but kept it together. I think deep in she knows.
We went back to my parents and had a good Easter weekend. The kids had fun playing w/cousins and saw great grandparents and my parents. I had a few rough moments but did okay.
Tonight D is in tub and loses it, she won't stop,crying. She keeps telling me it's unfair S is watching cartoons w/o her. After telling her several times she can get out and watch to she tells me "I don't want to die." I immediately got down on her level and asked her what was going on. She didn't/wouldn't bring up dying again but I dropped it and she said "I want to be with my mommy and daddy together." We hugged so hard and she clung on me like a boa the rest of the night. I laid w/them in my bed until they fell asleep. I told the kids I loved them no matter what and I always want to be w/them. It was so sad, I cried but didn't let them see. I didn't know what to say w/o villifying W. They indirectly tell me they want to be here w/me but also miss her and want her too.
This weekend w asked about the dogs before leaving. I told her I was taking all three and she said she wanted her dog. I agreed to leave him but she was texting the morning we left. I told her I left him but that he was upset when we left and she could stay w/him if she wanted. She gave me a lol, and said she was taking him to get apt. She showed up 5 minutes after we got back yesterday. It was obvious she stayed here all weekend (pants left beside my bed, coffee in the machine, dirty dishes, cold soda stream on the counter, cigarette butts in the driveway, Netflix, etc.) but she said nothing. I could also tell she was in my dresser. Idk wth... I didn't say anything about it.
