I have had very similar thoughts. My ex started detaching when times became difficult for me with health issues and loss. I remember talking to my mom and making excuses for him when he left. I gave her the list of all the stresses in our lives. She reminded me how those stresses were really my stresses not his.
It's funny, I always thought my ex was the strong and mentally stable one. But I guess one truly discovers who they are, and who others are when times get tough. It's the true test of what we are really made of.
I am mad and feel like I financially lose in my situation, but i wouldn't want to be my ex and I wouldn't want to switch places with him, because I don't like who he is deep down. He showed me. He is disloyal, and weak and empty.
On the other hand, one of the things I try to teach my son is that we all make mistakes in life and it's how we acknowledge and address our mistakes that counts. I think that the only way piecing can work is when the WAS is really remorseful and fully acknowledging and addressing their mistakes.
It must be scary though to forgive and trust again. Especially when reading many of the stories on this board. I have heard that piecing is the most difficult part. I do know there are long term success stories after infidelity and wish you the best.
Would like to hear more thoughts on the topic you brought up.
Personally in my situation, I think my ex was someone that could not handle discomfort. This sounds really silly... but he was the type that would take his car 2 blocks so he wouldn't have to walk to the store, needed constant air conditioning, would pick up a slice of pizza even though we had reservations to a restaurant because he didn't want to be hungry for 30 minutes, drove aggressively to not have to wait. These are all trivial but looking back they say a lot to me. He couldnt handle life or people when it wasn't comfortable or indulging.
