Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 9

[PsySara]

Wh and I continue to be cordial to each other but aloof. Tomorrow is my birthday and he asked me if I had plans, I responded no. He then asked if I wanted to do anything special and I told him I just wanted to rest. My heart has been causing me more and more fatigue, the racing makes me feel like I am constantly running on a treadmill even while sitting down.

I did come home and make a pot roast in the pressure cooker with potatoes and carrots. I ate at the table with m little ones and then did the regular bath/bedtimes routine. WH just sat with them and played some mindcraft, napped on the couch and lazed about. He did eventually eat some of the dinner I made. Here I sit on the love seat and there he sits on the couch, no talking or anything, just this weird silence. Unlike before I don't feel on edge or anxious. I have decided to let go of him and now seriously think I may not want him back. We've always had a lopsided distribution of household/child rearing, mix this with his remorseless infidelity and I don't see benefits of keeping him around. He has not read one book, gone willingly to on IC or done any true introspection about his cheating. He has no desire to be a better man and recover from his narcissism. Multiple people have approached him about the horrible actions he has taken and his response is to blame shift and turn on the person trying to help him. His closest relatives are mystified, the counselors say he is a lost cause and my closest friends are begging me to leave his toxic presence.

Tonight my DD6 refused to hold my hand while I took her to bed because I told her she could not play anymore mindcraft. I told her this hurt my feelings and WH said to her,"Be nice to mommy." My thought was she is starting to pick up hurtful behavior from WH and he still can't view himself.