Wow I haven't ventured over here in a long time, but something made me decide to take a look.
I have two thoughts, but I am only gonna address one right now...
Old R patterns, feeling like your feelings are unjustified...
You know what happened in my life, unbelievably 5 months ago now...
My world came crashing down around me. I can't even describe the horror of the entire situation and to be honest, only someone who has been through it, can ever really understand.
Long story short, while all of that was happening...the man and I had some issues. He was home, keeping things running and going through similar fears and feelings that I was, but he wasn't there, facing it every day. He wasn't there, looking at doctors, nurses, tubes, ventilators and the like. I couldn't even fathom that he understood at all what I was experiencing. Not that I thought he was having a party or anything, just not going through the same stuff. And he had feelings about it. He wanted to be there but couldn't. He wanted me home or at least an idea of when I would be home. I couldn't provide that information. I couldn't and the situation became more and more frustrating for both of us as time passed.
Bottom line, we both made the other feel like the other's feelings didn't matter. We both tried to push the other to see our point of view. To understand. Things were said, not nice stuff, and it could have been the end of something that has been wonderful for many many years now.
All these months later, after 5 weeks of ICU hell, and many more weeks of still living with fear of what was still to come and what the future was to hold, I don't know if either of us really understands the other's position, not entirely. I think we have a better grip on it, I think we have moved past all of that and are back to being more like the partners we used to be than the adversaries we became during that time.
Sometimes, you just have to accept that your feelings are valid, just as his are valid and move forward.
I am not talking about sweeping things under the rug.
I mean really just moving past it.
Knowing what hill you want to die on is sometimes more important to the relationship than being right and pushing.
Schidt happens, KWIM?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
