So Confused and Conflicted (7)

[WshIKnw]

Given all of the advice that has been given to you, what is different about you today than when you arrived here?

I'm​ not sure, LITB. I understand DB a lot more. I trust it greatly for saving people, but I currently take it with a grain of salt for saving marriages. Since BD, the most obvious change in me is an awakening about the state of my marriage, and how important my wife is to me. I have a huge desire to change in ways that she needed, and to take her requests much more seriously in the future. I reach out to people a whole lot more than I did before. Before, I felt like I pretty much had everything I needed, but now I'm trying hard to build relationships with people. I just approached and talked with a neighbor last night who was very supportive and sympathetic of me, who knew my wife and I quite well, pre-BD. My wife said around the end, that to have a good friend, you have to be a good friend. I can't just sit back and wait for people to contact me. I have to put myself out there. I feel like I'm listening to what people tell me a whole lot more, even though I don't always jump to do exactly as they tell me I should do. I'm trying a whole lot more to stay away from the computer and get out more, but I'm definitely not doing enough of that. I think the hardest thing is trying to make a friend that I can do things with on a regular basis. I'm trying to improve my health and appearance, though lately, motivation has been hard on that front, due to depression. I flew in a plane last week, for an introductory flight for flight school. I would have never done that when I was with my wife. I was very fearful. I'm not sure how else I'm different, LITB.

I'm curious what you do for a living if you don't mind me asking. I'd like to know how you interact with co-workers.

I'm a programmer. I generally get along great with my coworkers, but I tend to be quieter, and wait for people to come to me to talk, usually. So, other coworkers that act the same way I tend not to talk to much, but do have a positive relationship with, mostly. I will sometimes, usually once or twice a week, seek out coworkers to talk to them. I always acknowledge or greet people when passing by. I have pretty much never hung out with any of them outside of work. I don't feel a good connection with a lot of people. I don't feel like I'm good enough for a lot of people. I didn't feel that way with my wife. She made me feel extremely valuable, especially before that last year of our relationship, but even during the last year, as well. And I felt like I got her, like I had a good connection with her. I don't feel like I get a lot of people, especially people my age. I feel like I relate to older people more, but who hangs out with older people? I've been this way since I was a teenager. My wife completely filled this "connection void" in my life. So much in my life was fixed by having her. I feel like I really sabotaged a great thing, without knowing what I was doing.