Not too much going on here....just working and trying to get all the small details on the house taken care of so it is ready for showings. I'm ready to take this step and hopefully I will be able to sell it quickly. My H is sad that I am selling the house. He seems to have more of an emotional attachment to it then I do, which I find odd. He has been gone from this house for 16 months, and now he is having second thoughts of letting it go??
That brings me to something that has been on my mind lately....
I have had minimal communication with my H for the past 16 months. Since he started to open up to me about a month ago, the conversations have become more frequent. He continues to show me a side of him that I never thought I would ever see. He is being honest and open about his emotions. Early on in this journey I would have given anything and would have loved to have had all this time with him. I would have loved to speak to him daily, and hear all about his life. Funny how things change.
Now that I am selling the house, we have been communicating almost daily, and have seen each other quite a few times recently, Now I find myself having expectations of him, and of course setting myself up for disappointment.
I guess for so long I got used to not seeing or speaking to him, or having expectations because I knew he would disappoint me. Now I have come to a place where I was starting to accept that this was how things were going to be....this was my reality. I was making choices for me and moving forward in my life. Now that we are communicating so much, I am having a hard time dealing with it. It is bringing up feelings that I thought I had put away.
All of this time spent together, all of this communicating, is causing me to become more emotional. I am wanting to discuss our R, or lack thereof, when honestly I really don't want to discuss it. I am asking him questions that I really don't want to know the answer to. I am putting pressure on him to speak about things he is doesn't want to talk about. Why am I doing this???
I am beginning to think that maybe the best thing for me is to not have communication with him. I feel like I was doing so much better when we were not speaking. I feel like I am moving backwards instead of forward
