Here Again part 4

[25yearsmlc]

Some mixed feelings here and a small 2 x 4, so hold on T0...

1), Sorry to sound like a broken record, but I still think that you should table this whole matter till after the baby comes. I just don't get the need to know NOW, given the pregnancy. You are having a baby and you are also under enormous professional and financial stress as well.

I've been stressed in pregnancies and medically suffered as a result. If I could go back in time I would not invite more stress. I wish you could benefit from this statement. Pregnancy is so precious an experience, and it's always a delicate time.


But hey, I'm not you, and it's your life.

2) * I'm not sure there is anything your h could do or say at this point that would convince you of his innocence. But you want proof.

If there are no text messages on his phone, you will say he deleted them.

If he goes to the C - it's just to say that he wants out of the m, & he just won't tell you to your face,
but if he does Not go to C, it's also b/c he wants out of the m & is simply avoiding saying so to anyone, and so on...

There is so much massive guess work and mind reading about what you believe is going on in his head and what he thinks/feels, etc.

3) Sandi's point about symptoms and causes, really resonates. If it were me, I'd want to know WHY or at least whether there is a why.

4) while I agree your h's behavior is odd and inappropriate, there are some back & forth behaviors going on here. And sometimes details that would have shed light on it more, are missing. NOT saying you are being dishonest, but the bias and fears creep in.

For instance, when you said he "just started" shaving his private areas, it sure sounded as if it was new behavior, which concerned me. But recently you said he's done that in the past, inside the m, as recently as 6 months ago...which is very different, and less concerning to me.

IF I WERE IN HIS shoes, & this was a periodic habit of mine, and then my h questioned me about it more than once, or acted suspicious of something we had been fine with as a couple, I'd be annoyed.

I would feel controlled, more than anything. I would think that my body hair was something I should be able to decide for myself.

So, please Try very very hard not to let fears cloud your vision. It may seem protective and safer to assume the worst, but I think it can be the opposite.

5) Finally, I say Go the C (preferably alone, ) b/c you won't have nearly as much time after the baby, AND you'll be exhausted. Seriously.


T0...deep breaths and be well -

We have your back & are all pulling for you