I haven't updated in awhile, and there isn't much new to report. Retrouvaille is coming up in a few weeks, so we will see how that goes. I'm neither looking forward to it or dreading it (as I thought I might), but more thinking I will go into it as openminded as I can. The good thing is I am forcing myself to get off the fence, as I have been waffling around a bit in the last couple years. It's time to roll up my sleeves and do this.

I was inspired by a post from Sandi to TO a couple weeks go and copied some of it over here with my comments, how it relates to my sitch, and then I lost the entire thing. Gaaah! I hate when that happens. My posts dont always come through when I use the iPad. I will take a stab at it again in the near future. Need to have an actual keyboard for that, so I can neatly copy and paste.

H has been having a hard time lately. He desperately wants to go to MC and feels we need to work on things more. We did have a great MC--pricey but well seasoned--however I still want to wait, I think since we have committed to Retrouvaille, I want to see how that goes for now. He has made comments that I share more with others (and online) than I do with him. I don't feel that I do, but I think he is asking for more communication. It's valid. I need to work on being more open and vulnerable with him. Still a bit of a wall there.

Also Hs mother is dying. It's hard; she is a beautiful person and exceptional grandmother. One thing I don't know if I've shared is that when I learned about H and OW (about 3 years ago) it was while my father was dying and I found out about them soon after he passed. It was awful. Talk about being kicked while you are down. It still boggles my mind.

I have noticed a theme on here that waywardness often happens during significant life events--death, loss, pregnancy, newly married, a big move, and purchase of a house, etc. It doesn't seem a coincidence at all. Perhaps those that struggle to cope with change, fear, loss of independence, etc, are turning to others for comfort?

It's so hard to wrap my head around it because when I see someone hurting or going through stress, my natural tenedency is to turn towards them, not away. I just wanted to invite some conversation around that. My H said he felt especially guilty about the A, while my father was dying. Guilt lead him to leave the A several times, but it was ultimately not what ended it.

Just my thoughts this morning.

Happy Easter to those observing it.
Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela