When you are away from the home and, to honor your word of transparency, I request that you stay in touch with me and the children. I do not appreciate being put in the position of making excuses when you disappear for longer than you told us. If you aren't in agreement then you are free to pay for your own phone.
I hope to goodness you have not opened your mouth to crow about boundaries, b/c you don't have a clue of what you are doing! You learn first, open your mouth second.
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did just have to make a quick one as I just got a text from her "Sooo how does this work now....Do I ask if I'm allowed to go to yoga or what? cuz if so I'd like to do a core class tonight" Obviously you can sense the sarcasm as we had a bit of a "disagreement" the other night when she wanted to do an 8-9PM class.
Anyhow back to her text. I sat on it for a bit before she pinged me again.
I came back with "That's fine...I just want you to hold to your promise of transparency and staying in touch with us. I want your help with trust. Cool?" Yes I know I didn't have a consequence as I don't think well on the fly. I did give an expectation based on her past promise. Not that she can't break that...but on short notice at least I presented a reminder. I really think she will go to class...it's the after that I still stress about...whether she comes home right after or finds an excuse.
This is what happens when a newcomer strikes out without know what they are doing. Then after they find themselves in a mess, they want someone to tell them how to get out of it.
My advice is not to tell her you will not live in an open M, unless you are prepared to get a divorce. A WW will test you to see if you back up your word. So, until you stop talking and start learning about DBing...........I'd be very careful about making statements you can't carry through.
And btw, do not agree or suggest in-house separation. That is pretty much how you are living currently..........and it is not successful. It's the ultimate cake eating for the wayward wife.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
