Here Again part 4

[25yearsmlc]

T, stopping in quickly before I'm away again for a day-ish. The responses you've gotten are gold, and I agree with them.

Re: your question about whether your H will come back like he did the last time since this is his second time: we don't WANT him to come back the same way this time. We want him to come back and never pull this crap again. The question is: how do you improve those odds?
]

^^^ Yes

And, YES, I can tell you from experience that a man can return to his family after even a second A. But, just like sandi said, unless you guys change the dynamics of your R, you will end up right back here.

^^ Yes

You guys moved too quickly last time, just like my H and I did in 2006. I just wanted him home. We didn't do any of the necessary heavy-lifting in our M. We went right back to our old ways. And then you met me here in 2014.

^^ Yes

and Woe to the LBSer who thinks piecing is the easy part...

I do wonder if piecing is a lot like what we were sort of supposed to do all along?



"DB" doesn't end when a spouse returns. The lessons in it are really more of a lifestyle change in your relationship.

amen

Train, this post is like a bullet point summary of what those who try to piece, need.

So well written ... anyhow, T0, I understand your "big picture" concerns and your "right now" concerns. I swear I do.

I worry that Maybe I missed things in the last decade b/c I saw our issues in ways that validated my choice to stay. But I was not pregnant in the past decade.


So I'm saying, please please, do Not make any choices based on assumptions or gut feelings of anger and or FEAR.

Dear T0, if I could go back in time to my pregnant self (x 3) I would make NO big choices in my last trimester of any of my pregnancies. I moved all 3 times, and I took the bar exam (I could have waited!)

I worked way more than I needed to, & in my 2nd pregnancy I went bowling in the 8th month b/c I had cabin fever in February - east coast, not Alaska. I herniated a disk in my back that hurts me to this day. I was hospitalized with pneumonia, after being sedentary with back pain and blah blah blah you get my point...

i was too emotional for my boss, whom I probably freaked out and was insubordinate to (I still just thank God I didn't cry in front of her)...

So, even in the hurricane, you can focus on the baby and boys...

I smh and think of how much harder I made my life when I could have simply felt my baby moving inside me and ENJOYED the miracle. Apart from my h, who was happy about the babies. So Like I said, even in a hurricane...

there is a miracle within you that in the scheme of things, really is more important than knowing, today, what your h is feeling/thinking/planning/doing at the moment.

My feminist friends will wince, but I was simply more emotional in those months (Mostly it was great, btw. Lots of glowing glee, contentment and delight).

I cannot speak for anyone else here, but I'm rooting for you to get through this month with you & the baby - healthy, and at peace.

THEN we can talk about how to DB and deal, etc.

Truly, I feel strongly that much of this really can wait, dear T0.

I cannot see you at peace with more prodding. so, that's my .02

((( )))