You seem self aware, which puts you miles ahead of most people (and certainly ahead of your w, though it's not a contest).
When you discuss how you chose to forgive, it resonates with me obviously.
Perhaps (maybe?) a piece of you feels like you turned the other cheek, and got slapped for it.
I know that thought has crossed my mind and I wondered why my devotion and "Standing" for the m with such loyalty, was not rewarded with some form of gratitude or enhanced m.
I think you wonder if your loving forgiveness was wasted. Well, as Cadence's situation alludes to and shows,
I'm not sure we can feel bad about really truly forgiving someone's wrong against us. It's a good thing to model and to know that in your life, you have loved (given love) deeply.
On my deathbed I know it will mean more to me to know I GAVE love, than that I got it.
I think it was an honorable thing to forgive. The problem arises when we confuse forgiveness & letting go, with letting someone cross our boundaries repeatedly.
Perhaps that is where some of the inner work begins?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
