You really inspired me with your words. Our sitches are so similiar and it gives me ALOT to look forward to knowing that you are thriving and didn't die from a broken heart.
I'm going to keep trying to detach. Sometimes I do pretty well at it. Other times, not so much.
It's really hard looking inward at myself. I don't like what I see and I really do want to change. I guess I just struggle with believing in myself. Being left 3x really messes with my sense of self worth. I'm not perfect in the slightest, but I can honestly say that I have supported WAW and her daughter during some very hard times. I have loved her child like my own and have a great relationship with her daughter.
Basically, I'm a nice guy. And I know there's a fine line between being nice and being a doormat.
I refuse to beg, plead, or kiss her a55. I've apologized for my part, she hasn't done anything but assign blame and go on about her life. I'm hoping I can tap into some anger soon to help propel me towards detaching from her and looking at our relationship objectively.
I have made mistakes, but I have never given up on WAW. Giving up doesnt resonate with me. She's done some pretty sh1tty things to me too, and after I've processed things, I chose to forgive.
I realize I need to be careful not to make myself a victim here. I knew what I was getting into after the first BD. I chose to forgive and love her, warts and all. Maybe I'm ashamed that I've allowed myself to get hurt again. Sometimes I don't trust my intuition and perhaps have abandoned myself.
I have to find a way to find my own happiness and not rely on her to tell me I'm a good man. Especially when she can tell me I'm a bad man so easily.
Thanks again for your post, my friend. I am so happy that you are doboth mg well. Keep in touch!
