You guys aren't going to believe this pt 2

[25yearsmlc]

Great post, 25.

It just feels so surreal to be viewed as a villain by WAW when just a few short weeks ago she was literally giddy because we were buying a home and going to get engaged.

I keep trying to find a reason why she would do this.

you will not find a "good" answer. She may not have one, or know one, or have 3 stupid meaningless ones, or maybe she secretly thinks you are a purple lesbian dinosaur...

OR maybe the issues you are addressing are too little too late.

Honestly, what difference does it make in how YOU live, now? I'm asking.

I've read about borderline personality disorder, love avoidance and several other things because I just want to make sense of things so I can have an "a-ha!" moment to diagnose what our issue is.

This^^ makes it ALL about what is wrong with HER...and even if she does have some underlying pathology, your next obsession might be why YOU didn't see it sooner?

Or what YOU could have done to...blah blah blah...it's all retrospective

from what I have seen of your thread, she's relatively new in your life (sorry but I'm coming from a m almost as old as you are).

So you know you have been happy before she came along. And you will be again.

Do you know this?


I know detaching is crucial so I don't obsess. Easier said than done. Maybe I'm looking for some other reason so I don't blame myself so much?


well, we all do that. Owning our own role is, at first, devastating.

Later we realize that the flaws we DO want to work on, the ones we are at first ashamed of but then working on, are making us better people.

By doing the one thing we can do to reduce the chances of this ordeal happening again, we are becoming better people.

I also think a part of the obsessing is b/c we want to believe there is hope. Or more hope.

And there might be.

I'm still struggling with this at times even though in my head I know that h is SO UNLIKELY to do the work I'd need to trust him again, that a recon is exceedingly unlikely.

it's hard to do when 2/3 of your life has been married to this person. I miss the h I once had, and yet I recoil at what I hear and see of him the past several months. IF this is who he is now, no thanks. My son said "good riddance to lunacy". I think you are mourning what you hoped for, b/c a woman who changes that much that fast, will never give you peace or security. Sorry buddy.

The truth is that without a time machine to go into the future you hoped for together that would require work on her end, that she has not done. Why do it now?
Check my post for what h's own L said about him. Signs of mental illness, etc.

Mostly that makes me feel worse, to tell you the truth.

(I admit part of me feels vindicated like "See? He's crazy - so I'm not a loser!!", but that is mostly ego).

But as the mother of our children, and his friend and wife of decades, it makes me sad.

And yet, deep inside, I am also a little relieved that it's his sandbox, not mine.

make sense?