I hear you, Thornton. I feel like there is a whole state that thinks I'm some sort of vindictive loser.
Here is an anecdote I need to remind myself of, which may help you see that part for what it is.
When I was first a L, I worked downtown. I'd take the subway and at my stop there was a homeless man who lived on a warm grill. For whatever reason, he HATED me.
he'd yell the most vulgar things at me, and for sure was directing the remarks to ME.
I recall wondering why my suit bothered him, or who I reminded him of, or whether my facial expression was too pre-occupied, etc.
One day my boss & I walked by the homeless man, who then screamed the same epithets at me and I was mortified. You know, like it reflected on ME.
My boss said "oh, 25, is that your old boyfriend?" Which was hilarious at the time.
Point is, I let a homeless man's rewarks to AND about me, bother ME!
His "data about me" was not real. Maybe it was due to some drug use on his end, or some trauma or some misfiring of synapses,
but it had nothing to do with ME or who I am or what I have done.
SOMETIMES, that's what is happening with a WAS.
The challenge for us is to bravely examine our own roles, own them and then let go of the rest. Turn it over to God.
Though in MY h's world, HE is the LBSer...-(Yeah, I know, incredible)
what he tells the world as to why I would "out of nowhere filed for D"
(actually it was from the state we lived in, which h left, but those are just details, details...)
Anyhow, I just have no control over it. None. Yet it nags at me.
So I remind myself that "H's data is NOT real and the rest of this I turn over to God.
As long we do the brave inner work, it's all about when we put the piece that belongs to us, down (b/c we worked or are working on it,).
and get back on our own path.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
