Just keep telling yourself that "wants" and "feeling" are not actions. A plan of action is exactly what it says.......action. Although it is extremely difficult to separate it from what you want from your H, I believe you must. Your focus is completely devoured in your H's actions. ((TO))
Having a plan of action is like a "To Do List" that keeps us on track. It's like cleaning a dirty house without getting angry at those who made such a mess. It's like wiping up spilt milk for the third time that day, and doing it with a smile on your face instead of clenched teeth. Only, this is much harder b/c of the seriousness.
Quote:
The C told me that I need to see H without anger.
Yes, and your H needs to see you without anger. When I was involved in an EA, I saw anger I did not know my H was capable of having..........and it looked very ugly on him. Did he have a right to be mad? Certainly! I'm just saying I did not want to fall into his arms and ask for his forgiveness when I saw that side of him. It just made the OM look better. If he had remained in that state, I would have left. These words from a former WW may not be what you want to hear, and that's okay. I am not taking up for your H, and will never support waywardness. I only want to share a little view from that side of the street.
You don't have to act giddy and walk around with a goofy smile painted on your face. Just aim to reflect a calm spirit. If you are a spiritual person, then connect with that source of strength to carry you through. As a Christian, the only way I could face the loses I've had the past few years, was through my religious belief. It gave me assurance and strength when I felt I could not withstand the pain.
I am praying for you and your H, b/c I care very much about your family.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
