I ended up leaving the house for a bit. Didn't tell anybody where I was going just said I was going out. I went and sat in the parking lot at a store and cried. I didn't want H to think I was crying about him. I was just emotional from the long letter and card from my dad along with a few hundred dollars for me to get my hair and nails done.
I know a lot of my emotions are from pregnancy but I just didn't want H to see me crying and think it was related to him.
My dad was nice to H when he got home. He came home late as he has been but I didn't say a word. I was getting him out of S6 hair when he came in so I was busy with that. The boys and I had already went to dinner I offered him something from the kitchen he declined and I went about my business. My dad have him a movie he rented for us so H put it on and we watched it. I got up And went in my room when it was over and that was that. Both the boys have been sleeping with me for the last few nights since H stopped sleeping in here so it's nice to have them.
We really didn't exchange any words. I don't feel like asking about his day or initiating conversation with him. I'm just trying to be pleasant overall and nice if he talks to me.
T, you sound good and strong. Continue to look inward. Dig deep. I'm seeing more of these posts, more frequently, from you now. This is good. Stay calm and centered.
Fwiw, I think your C has some pretty good points. If you can maintain where you are right now, then go ahead and go to the counselor with H next week! What can it hurt? But if you're in one of your angry places, please spare BOTH of you the agony of even trying.
And if you plan to go? Don't make a big deal out of it with H or even mention it if you can help it. Go if you want to. If you're the only one who shows up, then okay. You have individual counseling. But don't be mentioning it to H. He knows the day and time. He'll be there if he wants to be. And if he shows up without you mentioning/prodding him about it? It will mean more to YOU.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
I don't plan on bringing up C at all. As far as I'm concerned I'm not even sure if I'm going.
I just need to see where I'm at at that point in time. I'm just taking it day by day but today was the best day I've had in awhile not revolved around this mess. I picked the boys up from school and we didn't get home til late and had a good time.
Struggling to keep my mouth shut. Went through H phone super quick like a minute this morning. No FB messages no text messages and went through the call log and he deleted the call he made to her Wednesday.
Do I say something? If nothing is going on why delete the call?
Stay in your groove TO with mouth firmly shut and having a pleasant day. There's no need to go around the loop you've gone round before again today. You've seen the results it brings..
Make some nice plans for you and the kids today and if H wants to be involved, that's up to him...
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Just hard to have a smile on my face and be positive around him when he's likely lying and carrying on with someone else.
I'm going to go through the phone again tonight and see if there are any secret texting apps. Today I only looked at FB messenger, text messages, and the call log. I just make it quick because I don't want to get caught. I'm thinking now he may have downloaded a texting app after I accused him of talking to her last week.
