25yearsMLC - 10 years later I FILE D

[25yearsmlc]

My R didn't piece, I have no experience of it. Abuse being a target is sadly square in my knowledge.

Asking about cPTSD is because you lived Alaska, with little means of escape (other than GAL).

So clean question

Did that experience cause you trauma?

V

There were 2 episodes of living there, for me. No I would not say living there Alaska was traumatic.

I hated the endless darkness, but had kids with me and took them out of state every January. And I GAL in a way that still makes me proud.

Parts of Alaska are barren but parts of it are as stunning as you see on television. Hard to explain what -40' is like... I enjoyed parts of it, immensely. I offered to buy property there for summers and I meant it. (Yes there are closer places I'd prefer, not quite so remote. But I'm flexible).

The first assignment there was when I noticed distinct changes in H, however. Can't decide if it was the timing of it (he was out of a residency and burn unit that $ucked for him) or that he was in THE WILDS or that something pathological in him became more self evident. Or that he had understandable pent up recreational demand.

I arrived there 8 months pregnant the first time, and he was less of the h he had been before. And more irritable, periodically. He and S spent a LOT of time wrestling and S took the state championship, twice. But it seemed excessive for the whole family to drive 6 hours for a match, up there...but we did.

Our older d once said "Dad & Alaska... I'm bored with hearing about Alaska now. I lived there, I get it, YAWN..."

At the time I laughed, but she's right. He made it about so much more than a lovely place to visit or live temporarily...like it should be paradise for all of us or we just didn't get it. He once told a MC that I had an "irrational" distaste for it, to which the MC said "but she lived there and did well. Couldn't it be you who has the irrational attachment? Most couples take destinations off the table if their spouse doesn't want to live there. Period."

H did not want to see that MC much longer after that. In fact he seemed to think I brainwashed all of them b/c I'm such a great wordsmith...

(If I could brainwash people like h thinks, I'd have done it to h!)

In sum, no I think it was an extremely harsh environment but I threw myself into it and still feel personally good about that. Not maritally, but personally.