You are on my mind and in my heart today. Not sure why, but I went back and re-read some of your posts and I am still amazed by your strength through all you have been through. In a post a few weeks ago, you missed not missing the Giggalo, but missing the thought of having that loving partner forever and missing the closeness. That is something I struggle with as well. I don't miss XH at all, but I miss being married and having someone to come home to.
I know the paperwork does seem endless, but there is an end in sight and you are getting there. Keep on keepin' on, V. You got this!!!!!!!!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I am waiting for shift, for connection to my higher power For a quantum moment. I do not want to be Ivan Ilyich "what if my life has been all wrong"
I am tired and exhausted by the fightime, I feel like caving and giving myself permanent rest, not just a break. I have not found my groove again.
I look to synchronicity and seek respite. It does not happen. My head hurts, my heart hurts, and my struggles continue. I thought I knew my destiny and had this in mind.
I miss my higher spirit, I miss those intimate moments in my life, just me and my spirit. I pray and am lost. I feel abandoned by my higher spirit. It's gone in my life. No matter how much I listen and ask, it does not come back.
I am weak and vulnerable.
I cry every day and it seems like wasted tears with ego in the way. I guess there is a purpose to it and I should trust. My life purpose seems to be invisible.
This is my dharma to suffer, perhaps it would be better in silence.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You are so eloquent in expressing your feelings and thoughts and I am in awe. I'm sorry that you are so very down-trodden, but appreciate your sharing those innermost thoughts so that I could send loving thoughts and prayers your way.
Hang in there, V. Positive, happy thoughts and tail wags coming your way from Molly and me.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I know you are struggling Lady V and your words about feeling the loss of your higher power reminded me of this poem. I know not everyone views their high power in a religious sense or christian sense. I personally believe in a universal power or truth, but this poem still rings true for me. If it offers you some comfort I am pleased, if not please know you are always in my thoughts. Lots of rainbow tummy love.
"The Footprints Prayer
One night I had a dream...
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me.
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."
Trust V you are being carried. Hold your faith lovely lady!!
(((V))) Sorry things are so stressful right now. Don't give up, I believe you will make it through this and stronger than ever! You're a kind and strong women, I know you will.
You know where me and everyone else is if you need to talk or vent more. Don't try to deal with difficult things alone, we all need the support of people who care.
Get some sleep!
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
