Sellout, you are not an idiot by any means. This process is nothing if not a rollercoaster of ups and downs. It doesn't mean it can't work out for you in the end. It might be hard for people to change, but it's not impossible if they are motivated by the right reasons.
You are right on--actions, not words. GAL and see what happens. Hold on to your hope, but live your life in a way that you will be ok no matter what happens. Realistically, the odds of any of us coming out of this with an intact marriage might be small, but it does happen and no one here can tell you that you will (or won't) be that exception.
1. Continue with the divorce. We haven't even had our first court date so at a minimum we are 4-5 months out on finalization.
2. Continue (and do a better job of) Detaching.
3. Continue to GAL
4. Prepare myself as though I am 100% done and I am moving on.
5. If/when she ever tries this again and want to work it out, my plan is as follows:
A. Listen to her reasons B. Tell her that I will think about it C. Advise her that I MUST see changes in her actions for a extended period of time. D. If/when I see her changes and they are real and sincere then make a decision if we give it another try.
Thoughts?
That's a reasonable plan. I wouldn't be too concerned with 5 at this time. You need to get yourself to a happy and healthy place on a personal level first, before even entertaining 5.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
but it does happen and no one here can tell you that you will (or won't) be that exception.
No ONE has told him either. However, the pattern is repeating.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I want to see if anyone can decipher a series of texts that were sent this morning between my wife and I...keep in mind, she WANTS the divorce and is STILL seeing other man. With that in mind please see below and let me know your thoughts... I will put out sons name in (***) to protect identity... I guess I just don't understand why she is deflecting and not wanting to talk about the elephant in the room... Bear in mind 3 days ago she wanted 100% to work on the marriage and broke it off with OM. Now she doesn't even want to talk to me?!?
ME: I don't know if (***) mentioned this to you so I will. I have Friday off for Good Friday. I would like to pick (***) up today around 5:00 and have him spend the night with me tonight, Friday and Saturday night. Essentially I would have him starting today at 5:00 and drop him back off Sunday morning around 9:00am.
HER: So he's not going to church with you Sunday?
ME: I would like for him to but I thought y'all were going to your moms.
HER: Going to my moms at noon. So y'all can go to the early service. I don't want (***) gone that many days in a row/ around your parents that many days in a row/ away from his things that many days in a row. Can you pick him up tomorrow morning?
ME: Yes, I can pick him up tomorrow morning. I will plan to pick him up at 10:00am. I will then drop him back off Sunday after church around 10:30ish.
ME: Btw- not that it really matters to you I guess, but in all likelihood I'm hiring a different attorney. This one makes me nervous and you even heard the VM he left me. Just need to find out about the retainer refund. The bad new I guess is that it will probably drag the process out even longer. 😏
HER: Ok, I'm going to church too. So I'll let you know what time mine lets out
ME: Ok sounds good. One last thing... the good news in all of this is that I feel we both are finally at a place of peace. With that said, the focus should be on (***) and providing a loving and stable environment for him. I guess the unfortunate part is that while you and I have both started to move on with our lives with others, (***) is caught in the middle/limbo. Perhaps we should look into counseling for him? Thoughts?
HER: I'm done talking to you for the day
HER: It feels like you just want to engage me. And I don't have any desire to talk to you. I'm already looking into counseling. I'll let you know.
ME: Thanks
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Because we had discussed it 3 days ago when we were reconciling about how lawyers are a scam, in cahoots together, slimy, etc... It was a relevant conversation at the time for exit strategy purposes and I wanted to briefly touch on that for the sake of timing...
From what I see and gather from her, she isnt happy and not 100% convinced this is what she wants. She even said she was be obstinate with OM and "you have no idea what is going on in my mind"...WELL THATS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!!!
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
First, I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing and I know you are in a lot of pain.
As to this text thread ---so you began the text series about your son and Easter.
Then you brought up a totally unrelated topic - i.e. you changing the L you have, which is none of her business. Why did you tell her? Why has she ever heard a VM from him?
My guess is that you wanted to make yourself look reasonable and not vindictive, but this is probably not going to be believed AND it's so not relevant to Easter and your son.
NEXT you brought up a loaded topic about your son...
To her it probably looked as if you are trying to guilt her about your son and how HER actions (and no one else's) are hurting him.
Yes I think you were trying to engage her, first in a L selection of yours that is not in her sandbox,
and 2nd in her mind, even if you don't mean to consciously, you are blaming her for pain you think son is or WILL feel in the future.
She pretty much tells you in her last comments how she saw it.
I kind of hate that I see it the same way she does, but as to this text convo, I do.
Sorry buddy
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So next steps? Completely detach? No talks about ANYTHING but son and coordination of picking up/dropping off?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
