How can he look at me hurting and feel nothing to not want to ease my pain while I'm carrying his child ?
IMHO, this one statement, alone, signifies that something in him is not like it should be. I do believe waywardness is capable of affecting the person's sensitivity toward their spouse......b/c the WH is focused on himself....not his W and kids. The more the wayward spouse wants out of the M, the colder he will act. I have read many accounts of the cruelty inflicted by a wayward spouse.
I'm not one to think a wayward feels much guilt at the time s/he is wanting out of the M, mostly b/c he will justify his feelings. Guilty feelings come later, if they experience remorse. However, seeing his W carry his unborn child....just might cause him unpleasant moments of consciousness. It's easier for him to stay away or ignore you, and then he is not reminded of his responsibilities to his family.
It's not you,.....it's him. This is not the man you married and thought you'd spend your life with forever. Do not accept blame for him relapsing (if that is what he's doing), b/c these actions were his choices. Do you get that part? Nothing he has done has been against his free will. When one spouse suddenly changes their attitude and conduct toward the other spouse, and they begin to display suspicious behavior....it's b/c they are choosing to do it.
He knows perfectly well that you wanted to work through whatever were the problems, but he didn't want to do it. He chose to be unkind to the mother of his children, and for you to understand why....may never come. In his heart of hearts, he knows he is the one who left the MR. He continued to be a jerk, while thinking of only himself. So now, he has to deal with the consequences of those actions.
I don't know what his attitude will be toward the baby when it comes. He may not bond with it, since he wants to pull away. As I told my daughter once, you cannot make someone be a father when they choose not to be. I think the same is true in marriage. We can't make someone love us, or be a good spouse.....or anything else.
You are going to make it. How do I know? B/c you are a tough cookie, little sister, and those are the type of women who use their determination in going forward and building a life for themselves and their children, in spite of the current pain. It's natural to mourn the death of a marriage, even as you prepare to move forward and build a new life. Don't feel badly for the tears you shed.
I'm rambling, so I'll hush.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
