I know I sound like a basket case on here. I just can't imagine he's going to do this again. Even my dad was shocked because he had been saying since H came back that he would never wish me to go through that but that it made him a better man a better husband and a better father.
It's hard to think the issues aren't with me or because of me. Because now it will be twice he has done this with me. I just sit there and think what is so bad about me what did I do to make him snap and turn into this person. How can he look at me and feel nothing? How can he look at me hurting and feel nothing to not want to ease my pain while I'm carrying his child ? I think how can he be okay with me never in his life as his wife again how can he rather be with someone else. I know this is all crazy but those are all of my thoughts because I can't imagine feeling that way.
It makes me more scared this time because he's been down this road before and knows what it entails and he's still willing to do it. He knows as I've told him the minute he walks out the door and files for divorce I will never ever take him back.
