25yearsMLC - 10 years later I FILE D

[25yearsmlc]

Ginger,

Thanks. I keep doing the equation of what is fair and how unjust this feels...and what if he IS happier and what if he DOES live well and what if he NEVER regrets this..."???

Which then goes to the "How could I have been so blind?" obsessions.

I then tell myself, "Well, all you control is you so take down the scoreboard and add points to your own life. Life well, without regrets."


These ^^ are some things I must limit the time allotted to, each day. Consciously.

In some ways this is not rocket science. The best and most healing things we can do are not complicated.

In many ways this is simple. It's also so very very hard and deeply painful.

Feels like h died, but I don't get food brought over or life insurance.

(But when I remind myself that I should treat MY Choices as if h is truly gone, and not factor him into the choices I make, I must say things do become clearer. So that helps me).

This process also Feels like childbirth without an epidural, but with NO cute baby at the end.

Maybe I need to see the rebirth of my life as the cute baby?

Good timing for Easter.

Ginger, again, thank you for stopping by. It means a lot to me.

I need this place more than I would have expected (no offense guys).

((( )))