Here Again part 4

[25yearsmlc]

Well I'm moving on from trying to save my M.

H went to counseling yesterday. Said it was good. But still said he doesn't know what he wants and that the counselor said sometimes some people just aren't meant to be together and that divorce can be the better option for everyone. Basically same [censored] as last time. I just said okay. He said the counselor wants to see us together so H said we would go next Wednesday. I told him I'm not sure.

He said he's unhappy, he feels beat down and never trusted. He doesn't want to talk about things anymore and said the counselor said for us not to talk until Wednesday because we're just digging a deeper hole.

I told H I cannot live in limbo anymore. I cannot continue to hear I don't know. I asked him what does he need to be happy. He doesn't know.

I got email notification he changed all his passwords and yet he lied about it when I asked him about it. I just have realized I don't trust anything he says. Hebert word that comes out of his mouth is a lie and I'm just waiting for him to bail and not come home.

I told him last night it's hurtful that he comes home and doesn't acknowledge me anymore. I said we're back to where we were. He said it's never been good it's been bad since he came back 3 years ago. I didn't even. Other goof there because I know that's a lie.

So I'm going to spend the day trying to mourn the loss of this marriage and accept that I'm getting a divorce. I guess I should have know this would be the outcome and that he's just been stringing me along until he gets his stuff in order.

I knew him going to the counselor would be A away to justify him leaving.

I know him saying I don't know if I still want this is his way of saying no he doesn't believe. I asked him to make an effort. To treat me like a human being and talk to me. He said he can't talk to me because we always end up talking about what's going on between us. And that he's not going to force himself to make an effort and do things he doesn't want to do... I think he means sleep in the room kiss me etc.

So that's it. Thanks all for your help and patience with me.

UGH!

I do think the counselor is right about not discussing the m. T0, girl, I know you have a problem with that even though it's 6 days...I get it, there's a baby coming - but I cannot see how it helps you (or the baby) at all...it just seems to fuel your h's urge to flee and your own stress.

So, for now, you STFU and if need be (b/c I know you want to DO something and I know you feel, rightly, that you won't be so ready to DO once the baby is here..)

check your legal rights, have a Plan & THEN TABLE IT...for now

because you'll have done what you can to prepare,

then shelve it so you can focus on the baby and YOU,

and then in a few months, you DO the plan.

Who knows what might happen in between?

It might be true that recon is no longer an option for you,

or that you don't see it as realistic...and I mourn for you.

I mourn for the loss of the past marriage you once had, the future marriage you had planned to have. Perhaps not so much mourning about the marriage you are in now, however.

In a way that seems to grow in time, I find that knowing I'll be happier in the near/far future, helps me today & in the moment.

YOU know that things $--k now, but you know that they won't stink forever. In fact, my guess is that in X months of time, you'll have more peace in your life no matter what happens. I hope you can find some comfort in that, and in the support you have there.

I have no idea how women get through these ordeals without family around.

And we here, are part of your extended family. We are here for you.

((( )))