It's me again

[Mach1]

I'm gonna come at this from a guy's perspective....

You spend almost all of your time together when he is off.

I would imagine that he just assumes that you will be with him on Easter.

Wherever that is, or whenever it is, he assumes that you will be together doing whatever, wherever. He probably doesn't know himself yet, so he feels that there is nothing to tell you, or invite you to..

Most guys are boneheads. Most guys will make the assumption rather than ask.

"That's my girl, and she will be with me"...

Not a conscious thing mind you..

Doesn't make it right or wrong, and I totally understand you wanting to know beforehand...

Could it be....possibly...

Now that you are looking to define the relationship a little more, that you are trying to place an expectation on this a bit ??

I would use this as a building tool for the future with communication.

Express what you would like to see down the road...

From what I know about him, he is different from the guys that you have been with before....???

Don't treat him like the guys you have been with before...

[Ginger1]

Mach, you nailed it on some points.

If I am going to be honest, this is probably the first real relationship I've been in since I was married. And heck, our marriage wasn't even a real R.

I don't think he imagined that I would be with him on Easter, however, I finally did realize that he pretty much does assume we will be together on his off time and my non-kid time (and even on kid time). Like last night, he did assume since D9 was going off to dance then her dad's that he would be over later. And I actually did like it. It sounds pathetic, but I haven't dated a guy who didn't just ask to do something at the last minute when it suited him. I forget I am in a real relationship now where this person wants to be with me.

"That's my girl, and she will be with me" is something I kind of always wanted and never ever got. And that is his attitude. I like it a lot.

Friday night D9 and I are having a girls night. He called his cousin when I told him that to hang out. He rarely actually makes plans with someone else unless I have my own. But he never gets upset when I make my own. He just finds something to do.

I am realizing a lot as I type this,lol.

I don't think I am trying to place an expectation, but I think I am looking to figure out what the intentions are a little more. because it's my own fault and I went and involved D9 early on and she is attached. This is where my need to see into the future a little is coming from.

He is very different than the other guys I have ever dated. And you are right, I shouldn't treat him like them.

I am going to express what I would like to see down the road. I am not even scared to so like I was with all the others.

Thanks, buddy.

[Ginger1]

His FF schedule may have him working on Easter. I would casually ask him about whether he's working or not at some point in the next day or so.

Thanks Job. I have his whole schedule through June marked on my calendar through June, lol. He's not working. I think some of this might have to do with the craziness going on with his sister and her STBXH.

I did ask him last night very directly, "am I going to meet you parents?' And he told me, yes, soon.

[Cadet]

I did ask him last night very directly, "am I going to meet you parents?' And he told me, yes, soon.

So tonight ask him - what are WE doing for Easter?

[Dawn70]

Ditto what Cadet said! I know this is easier said than done, but it certainly is the most direct route.

[Ginger1]

I never even thought of asking that. I really have not been in a relationship or a part of a "we" in 9 years of my life. It is so weird to me, because I just have been a "we" only in the sense of me and D9. It takes some adjusting.

I am making a Easter dinner Saturday night for the 3 of us (Prime rib was on sale and now I have an excuse to make it). I think it will be fun!

Just to note...... yesterday I took D9 to try her bike again and keep it up. it was FF idea to just have her glide down the driveway to get used to control. She did very good with it yesterday and was very proud. She asked me to film her and send it to him. Not to her father, but to him.

[doodler]

Not to her father, but to him.

Ginger,

That speaks volumes!

[job]

I agree w/doodler...your daughter wanting to send the FF a photo of her riding her bike speaks volumes! I'm so happy that things are finally working out for you and your daughter. But, most importantly, I'm glad he's doing things w/your daughter, i.e., teaching and showing her that men aren't all bad and can be gentle, kind and encouraging to others.

Happy Easter to you and your family!

[uRworthy]

Hello my friend. I know, since you've been hurt in the past, that your knee jerk reaction is to feel badly that he didnt ask you about Easter.

I agree with Mach....men are boneheads...just sayin. But really, from how he sounds, I would imagine he did assume you would be with him or he didnt really think about it.

This is still so new, G. You are learning about each other. I think it is ok to say, "I'm going to be honest, I felt a little badly that you didnt say anything and open up a dialog.

I am also going to say, that while it feels like you two are really close, it is a short time period. Try to slow down a bit and enjoy the journey, yea?

Still so freakin happy for you. <3

[Ginger1]

Happy Easter all.

Last night I made a nice dinner for D9 and FF. Prime rib. Dessert. Nice wine, the whole 9. We hid eggs outside for D( when she went to bed. FF stayed over.

Today, actual Easter hasn't been all that great. I am disagreeing with my BFF. Easter is always a trigger because ex lef the week before and it was her one first holiday I didn't get to spend with her. She's gone with him. FF left right before he came to get her.

I tried my hardest not to be affected by the fact he did not invite me to Easter. But I ooulnd't I was hurt. And I spent a lot of time crying. I told him how I felt. I did exactly what you suggested before I even read it. I opened up the dialogue just as you described.

I was really upset. He is texting me, telling me about it. But I am home alone. And that hurts horribly. I was advied by IC not to say anything because it was so new She said maybe he wasn't ready. So I tried working on not being upset, but it didn't work I couldn't stop crying (something that hasn't changed in 9 years on any holiday since bomb drop)

So I told him I was hurt he didn't invite me. However, I understand it might be too soon and he wasn't ready. I told him it was a "me" problem and I was dealing with it. I had told him how easter is rough given the gabby circumstanes. ANd he says something dumb, as some guys often do, to the effect of " oh, o you wanted to come so you had something to do on a holduat that was hard for you?" I told him he should know me better than that and it was because I wanted to spend it with him and meet his family and no other reason. He said "oh, ok, I gotcha." He apparently said he understood but offered no apologies.

I am hurt. Not going to lie. I can't really even talk to him today, although there was no "sorry, I didn't know you felt that way, I would have invited you".

We had s short communication a few minutes ago and he said he would talk to me soon. I don't know that I am in a place to do so.

It's funny, I have a fear of being upset or disagreeing with people. Like I must be wrong for having the feelings I do. I fee that way about my BFF right now although I just seriously feel that way. Same for FF. They are my feelings, I am dealing with them on my own. Not dragging either one into them.

My therapist knew I would be upset about this. She urged me to deal with this in a way that I didn't erase all of the good between us.

I am not erasing the good. But nonetheless I am hurt. ANd I don't know right now how much he gives a crap. I guess we shall see.

Time to write two papers now.