Very sorry to hear it 25yearsmlc. I've been divorced now for three years and you are correct -- there are definitely upsides once you heal enough to enjoy them. Like you I also had a reconciliation, although mine was only three years. During that three years, I was an H that only a fool would leave (although really I wasn't that bad before that either )
The great gift and blessing in that, which I'm sure you have or will see in your own situation, is that I was able to leave the marriage without regrets, knowing that I had done the best I could. If things had just ended without the reconciliation, I have no doubt that I would have been tortured by guilt and self-doubt for a long time for things I'd done, not done, or imagined.
The gift that you and I share is that we got to go into a reconciliation with eyes wide open and bring our best, and that is an absolute positive.
A ten year reconciliation is a "successful relationship" in its own right. It takes two people to stay married, but only one to get divorced. You don't own that and there is no shame in it, as I'm sure you realize.
You've spent hours and hours helping countless people here and I'm confident that you've changed and improved many lives. If anyone will come out the other side in a better place you will.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
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